Lily Osler
Contributing Reporter
Author Archive
Four ways my tastefully erotic fan fiction about the Administration is helping Yale’s reputation at home and abroad // Micah Osler

I’ll be blunt about it: When I decided to go into the business of writing tastefully erotic fan-fiction about various figures in Yale’s administration, I […]

I Would Like to Have a Campus Rep // by Micah osler

Hey Yale! Looking for a little extra money but don’t want to work a mindless campus job? Want to spend your free time getting paid […]

How One May, in Accordance with God’s Divine Will, Deal with a Heavy Extracurricular Load (from the archives; circa 1715)

It is a fact much not’d these Days in Connecticut Colony that our still-youthful Wilderness Seminary here in New Haven is as a star upon its rise. The Lord has imbued his grace upon our simple institution, and as a result enrollment has increas’d, construction has begun upon a second Out-House, and in the past semester only four students were eat’n by Bears.

And Now, a Word from the Guy Condescendingly Explaining Aristotle to a Very Sad Girl in Blue State

Hi there! Hope you’ve been having a nice day. Can I grab you anything? A coffee? Water? Maybe some wine? You know, in ancient Greco-Roman […]

I Would Like My Abominations Against God To Count Towards My Student Income Contribution

The student income contribution here at Yale is a profoundly unfair institution. It penalizes those of us who come from families that take financial aid […]

The Deep Oceans of Titan

Thomas says that the heart is impenetrable, that it is oceanic in the sense of the word from before the depths of the sea became known. He says that there is no accounting of variables when it comes to the heart, that there is no algorithm to it.

Hurricane Season

“The hurricane didn’t come,” she said. “I know,” he said. “Happy birthday.” “I’ve aged out of birthdays,” she said. “You’re 22.” “That’s what I mean. […]

Our Competitive Culture Often Forgets The Importance of a Healthy Work/Secret Life Balance

Every year in May, Yale students hear a commencement speech, throw their caps in the air, hug their parents and run straight off to high-powered […]

I Believe My Soul-Crushing Loneliness Could Be An Asset To Your Company

I am writing to apply for your 2017 undergraduate internship in digital media and marketing strategies. I am a junior at Yale University majoring in history, and I hope you will agree that my work ethic, lack of self-esteem, pathological need for praise, astonishing insecurity about every goddamn facet of my persona and collaborative style make me an ideal candidate for this position.

I hate going to Mr. Salovey’s office!

I hate it when I have to go to Mr. Salovey’s office! It is really lame. Every time it happens, he makes me feel real bad about myself.

Nine Reasons That a Squirrel Stealing My Glasses Is Really a Blessing in Disguise

Calm down, buddy. This is obviously not the outcome you were hoping for, but it’s an opportunity, not a defeat.