DOUBLETRUCK
ALL HAIL THE QUEEN

At first, this intro text was just gonna be a transcription of the first two seconds of “Countdown,” but angelic onomatopoeia can only belong to one lady: BEYONCÉ. SASHA FIERCE. QUEEN BEY. THE CHILD OF DEST INY. THE ONE WHO WASN’T JENNIFER HUDSON IN “DREAMGIRLS.” Listen, WEEKEND was alone at a crossroads: This spread has been a long time a-comin’. The inauguration. The Super Bowl. Dancing in your room by yourself. In one way or another, this woman has affected our lives, and five ladies (who run this motha? Girls!) are here to count the ways how. Everyone — kneel to Your Goddess.

A WEEKEND WORDBENDER

What better way to kill time than by taking your shiny little neurons out for a test drive? Caleb Madison ’15, a master of the English language, delivers one of his hippest crosswords to date. If you fill out the entire puzzle and show it to him, he will emcee your next birthday bash. Happy Guessing!

SORORITY SELECTION

WEEKEND found a sorority rushee, one who’d like to remain anonymous, and just let 'er go at it. Here are her prospective applications.

How real are your classes?

By now, we’re a little more than halfway through shopping period.

WKND APPROACHES DEATH

Somewhere in the Dominican Republic, Jordi anxiously hauls sandbags onto the side of a road. Meanwhile, Cora panics amidst the traffic as she attempts to evacuate Manhattan by car. In another hemisphere, Akbar hurries to take shelter in his home in Karachi, Pakistan, as Jack buckles the seatbelt and ducks on his flight to China. It’s Dec. 21, 2012. And it is real. Suddenly, the Dominican Republic goes underwater, and Jordi’s frail body is washed into the Caribbean. Cora looks out the window, just in time to see a massive tsunami pummel New York. The ground splits underneath Akbar’s home in a violent earthquake, and he falls into an endless crevice. Jack screams and watches the destruction below his flight — but suddenly, a meteor falls from the sky and strikes his plane. But wait! It’s actu- ally Dec. 7 — the beginning of the WEEKEND. You have two weeks to prepare, and two weeks to anticipate your ending. How will you survive? How will you perish? WEEKEND investigates.

MENU: RESTAURANT WEEK

Restaurant Week allows Yale students to stick their noses in the air and play at being Ruth Reichl or Pete Wells. We only wish the following were written exclusively in rhetorical questions (Were you struck by how far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?). WEEKEND reports.

ELECTION DAY: From Snowbama to Salovey

  Status Positive // BY TAOTAO HOLMES So let’s be real: as a college student in 2012, I celebrated my first official election in the […]

Trick or Treat: A Photo Essay

Jen Mulrow ’14 is the newest addition to the WEEKEND team. An art major and ardent photographer, she will be regularly posting photo essays and […]

Remember, remember the 6th of November

To say that the Yale campus is full of pundits-to-be and opinionated talking heads would be an understatement. you’ve got your gung-ho Democrats rooting for […]

IT’S SAFE TO EULOGIZE

Safety Dance is dead. Long live the ’80s. We dug its grave, we lowered its casket, we poured dirt (and whiskey) all over its decomposing […]

New Haven’s Unsung Notables

Meryl Streep’s face adorns the exposed brick of Miya’s exterior. Paul Giamatti smirks between Chapel and York. Dr. Benjamin Spock holds up a baby on […]