Style points: arbitrary and fictitious, but necessary

Fact: Getting points is always more fun then losing them. This applies to points of all types, really: points on an exam, points on the field (of love and war), finger points and Power Points. Personally, there’s nothing more exciting then being rewarded with a full set of points. Extra points are nice as well, […]

My body parts move quickly. I’m an athlete.

If I talked as fast as a track star ran, would you call me an athlete? Suppose I weighed 5,000 lbs and couldn’t move in any other capacity, but I could talk faster than anyone in the world. The body-parts that produce sound in me would move faster than those of anyone else. The track […]

Whether they’re called extreme or insane, they’re not for me

I walked down Wall Street with a friend of mine yesterday evening. As we approached the street corner at College, my friend, who saw a Sprague Hall balcony hanging over the street, shouted out: “Oh, a balcony! Let’s climb all the way up there!” To which I responded: “No, dearest friend-of-mine, I shan’t do anything […]

If it’s about heat, panting and contortions, it can’t be that bad

Imagine a rectangular room seeping with a damp mist. The inside of the room maintains itself at 105 degrees Fahrenheit. The front wall is covered in mirrors. It is densely packed with heaving, perspiring bodies succumbing to gravity’s supple entreaty, contorting with the capabilities of animals and writhing under the strain-induced tremor of their aching […]

It’s picking season again. Relax, it doesn’t actually matter

Once again, the picking time has come, and not a moment too soon. You can feel it in the air as a warm breeze, folding gently in the sun around bare arms and scarf-less necks. We’re picking strawberries and summer plans. We’re deciding whether it’s warm enough to wear flip flops and whether we’re going […]

Forget Cancun and Key West, let’s make ‘SB07’ about getting fit

There was a blizzard on Monday, so it’s hard for me to write the words that will follow. But a little snow has never stopped me before; so onward! Onward to spring break! We’re all chomping at the bit. So pleasant is March, don’t we all think? Right after the bleak, cruel, skin-curdling February, March […]

Nude athletes need some lovin’, too. If you know what I mean…

Anything that can be done clothed would be far more interesting if done in the nude. Let’s look at a particular case: taking notes in class. There’s a guy who sits next to you in an anatomy lecture that you sometimes attend. You don’t know anything about him outside of the fact that his handwriting […]

Bring on the mountain lodges and snow! Just don’t ask me to ski.

I have been skiing only once in my life. Once. It was during a late 1990s winter on Beech Mountain in North Carolina. They call it the highest ski area in eastern North America. What a place, Beech Mountain! It was there, it that finger-snap of time in my life, that I formed the opinion […]

Wait a second. You mean Terrell Owens actually plays football?

Terrell Owens is my favorite actor — wait, professional football player. Same thing! I love to hear about him so much that I almost bought a nifty cap off his personal web site as a daily reminder of my devotion. The embroidered symbol is a wispy “T” overlaying a double-ringed “O” — a must-have, in […]

Where’s the fun? Where’s the controversy? Where’s Diana Ross?

By the time Super Bowl Sunday rolls around each year, the air has already chilled beyond understanding, Mardi Gras celebrations have begun and I begin to expect a few things: funny commercials, tasty snacks, big parties and a good halftime show. I remember in 1996, Diana Ross was clumsily yet magically flown off the field […]

Can’t play tennis? Neither can I. Let’s ‘talk.’

My suitemate can never get up in time for 10:30 French. But somehow, with a strange and unnatural enthusiasm, he awoke Sunday morning at 4 a.m. — a time that doesn’t exist to me — to catch the finals match of the Australian Open, the Grand Slam of Asia/Pacific, as it’s known. Priorities! When someone […]