Melany Perez

It’s time for No Man November.

November is a month of chilly winds, cozy sweaters and the arrival of cuffing season. For those who are unfamiliar, cuffing season is the time of year when singles scramble to find a relationship to warm up the cold winter months. As of late, I’ve been hearing friends lament their lack of a relationship, daydream about romantic fall dates and the security of someone to snuggle up with — and I’m quite guilty of these musings myself. However, despite all the allures of a partner, I’m here to argue that November is not the time to lock things down. 

• The Halloweekend Horror Stories

We’ve barely sobered up from Halloweek and you’re already considering getting cuffed? Let’s be real, we all made some questionable choices that week. Whether you rekindled your first week fling because of their sexy Magic Mike costume or got with that guy in your Econ section who was dressed as Theodore — not even Alvin — from Alvin and the Chipmunks, Halloween definitely had its fair share of regrettable moments. November is a much needed cooldown period for all the excitement of Halloween. It’s time to let your liver and dignity recover before jumping into anything serious.

• How are you not tired?

For all the joys of a relationship, the beginning phases come with all kinds of inevitable struggles. When should you text back? What’ll your date plans be? Do you have to pretend to like their obscure music taste? After the October marathon of midterms to Halloweek, do you really have the bandwidth for a relationship now? Cuffing season demands emotional energy, and maybe it’s time to conserve that energy for personal health and wellness. Now is a great time to venture into your college gym, schedule a library study session for finals or — even better — start getting an adequate amount of sleep. The healthiest relationship you can invest in right now is with your pillow.

• Is this campus shrinking?

I swear this campus feels smaller everyday. By this point in the semester, the romantic options on campus might as well be listed on a shared Google Doc. In fact, just the other day my friend compiled a rolodex of potential prospects and each one had a mutual connection. Everyone seems to have no more than two degrees of separation from anyone else at this school. You got with that cute sophomore? Surprise, so did that girl in your language seminar — and also your roommate. The first two months of the semester was a speedrun in chaotic situationships, so it’s finally time to enjoy a blissful few weeks of regrouping.

• Time to play the long game.

Despite the name, cuffing season is a relationship scam. Like the pumpkin spice latte of relationships, it’s cute, cozy, but temporary. The whole premise revolves around finding someone for the sake of the winter months, but why rush into a relationship just because it’s getting colder? Think about the fact that you’ll have to manage a long distance relationship over winter break. Why stress about FaceTiming them after family dinners just to inevitably end things in February? If you want a relationship, now is the perfect time to start playing the long game — plant the seeds this month and sow them when we get back from break. 

• The power of friendship

Have you considered that all the activities you had in mind for your cuffing season prospect can be done with your friends? Okay no, maybe not all activities… but definitely the wholesome ones. Christmas cookie baking? Matching pyjamas? Tipsy movie marathons? Put these on your list of friend group activities, and you’ll be sure to have a great time and really cement all your new college friendships. In fact, a slumber party with friends is bound to be so much more fun than a boyfriend who’ll insist you watch “Die Hard” as a Christmas movie.

• The Yale-Harvard Game is coming

Now here’s the real reason to stay single this November: the Yale-Harvard game. Honestly, who doesn’t want to get with someone at Harvard? The weekend that we flock to Cambridge isn’t just about donning your Yale merch and displaying your college pride — it’s about crossing enemy lines for some rivalry romance. Think about it: locking eyes at a pre-game mixer, then again across the stadium and then finally making your moves at an afterparty. You can’t tell me that one night of lighthearted romance with the enemy doesn’t appeal to you — it’s all a part of the game. For one weekend, you can have a whole new pool of prospects and forget about the reality that Harvard men probably suck. 

In conclusion, cuffing season is totally overrated. November is the perfect time to focus on yourself, your friends and the fleeting joy of autumn without the stress of wondering when they’re going to text you back. There’s so much potential in this month, so don’t waste it on the pressures of getting cuffed or fantasizing about a sappy Hallmark romance that this scarf weather tends to bring out. 

In all honesty, I’ll probably look back at this article with disdain next week when I once again get hit with a wave of seasonal loneliness. But I recently read that the universe loves irony — manifesting something often results in the exact opposite thing happening. So yeah, I really, really, don’t want a winter relationship with someone who’ll make me hot cocoa and lend me their hoodie during cold fall nights… and neither should you.