Malia Kuo

Being at home, especially at the start of the year, always causes me to reflect on where my life is at and where I want to improve. In years past, particularly since I started at Yale, this period of reflection left me feeling lost, uninspired or comparing myself to others. Coming into 2024 was the first time where I have genuinely felt like I have it together. That’s not to say there aren’t things I still want to work on (I am of the opinion that self-improvement is a lifelong journey), but there isn’t the insurmountable feeling that I am doing something wrong. 

Maybe this is from the perspective that a particularly difficult 2023 gave me — in a twisted “the beatings will continue until morale improves” type of way. But nonetheless, I’m in a spot in life and my Yale career where there are few things left that I could want. I have found a wonderful and kind group of friends, my first ever best friend in my roommate, fulfillment with my academic achievements and a very busy schedule of extracurriculars that make me feel like I’m dedicating my time to things I really enjoy. I feel like the adult I wanted to be with my own apartment and a job. 

Yet, every time I had this feeling of confidence and fulfillment last year, something in my head kept telling me I was jinxing it or that I was being arrogant. So my 2024 is about being okay with being okay with myself. The line between believing in your abilities and boasting about them can be a difficult thing to parse. I think being young is a particularly turbulent time: you swing between the feeling that you float above it all and massive insecurity. I don’t doubt that being at Yale magnifies this experience. I’ve written before about how it is hard to step back and stop comparing yourself to those around you because everyone has achieved great things to get here, but at the same time you have to be mindful of thinking that your life exists within the Yale bubble. It’s certainly an odd paradox that at the same time your brain is saying you can’t fit in with the crowd, it seems to feel like those are the only people that understand your lifestyle. 

All that said, it isn’t a crime to believe you are deserving of what you have earned and to be proud of your achievements. Maybe for me, coming from a small town where I knew maybe two people that had gone to Ivy League universities or even universities outside of the south, it did feel like boasting. Talking about Yale seemed to elicit such a reaction that saying where I went to college felt like pulling teeth. I never really understood where the line is between arrogance and confidence, and I was so afraid of crossing it that I don’t think I ever took stock in myself. But in the past few months, I realized that I had been selling myself short for far too long. My roommate constantly said that I would get further if I just believed in myself more, but I didn’t feel like I could allow myself to do that for fear of what others would think. 

Then, something clicked over break. Prioritizing kindness doesn’t mean being a doormat or putting yourself down. Self-help books and podcasts talk about the impact of negative self-talk on how you carry yourself, and I finally realized just how true it is. Living my life keeping grace and kindness in mind while still knowing my own capabilities has already made me so much happier. 

After all, at the end of the day, it’s more important to be happy with yourself than to have made yourself small to accommodate others.