Cecilia Lee, Senior Illustrator
How does it feel to be
A cocky crimson fool,
Realizing that all the hype
Veils the truth of your school?
Andrew’s here to
Reveal what is known:
Down with Harvard, it’s bad to the bone.
First, thing’s first:
* Crimson * is the worst.
* Bulldog * a real mascot.
Keep that as a thought.
I prefer a cute doggo over
Non-personified red.
Go figure out a real mascot instead.
So let’s sit and chat and talk about sports.
Unlike in mascots, it’s close on the courts
C’mon, even if you might win a few games,
Know that you must put respect on our names:
See our 18 titles in the Hall of Fame.
Yet here we are, rivals forever,
And writing our roasts, feeling oh-so clever.
Look, you’re kinda brash as we talk here and now,
Even in writing, still holier-than-thou.
We Yalies have manners
In the way we talk smack.
Little do you know the content
Lenience made me hold back.
Why charge for parties
In the range of hundreds of bucks?
No fun for free, you capitalist f**ks?
The thing about villains,
Hating you feels too easy.
Elitism at its peak just seems so sleazy.
Greatness attends Yale
And so many come to mind.
Morse, Streep, the Clintons,
Education so refined.
Ever competitive, let’s talk ‘bout your alums,
Arnold, Benedict; Cruz, Ted, those are just some;
Shut up, little Crimson, this argument’s dumb.
I guess you have more, so let’s keep on going
Like Zuckerberg — oh wait!
Yup, he just stopped showing.
But there’s more to the Crimson
Your college color so grand
Allow me to explain why you just seem so bland.
Somehow, your school’s not top one in your town
Crazy, we know the Engineers take you down.
Or maybe BC or BU or Tufts
Running your town, that must feel so rough.
Eventually you’ll find that fifth-best is enough.
Old Harvard, you’re washed, you’re so past your prime.
Forfeit the game, for this is Yale’s time.
3 times a day, we sit down to eat,
7 days a week, we know Harvard’s dead meat.
Time to end this for once and for all.
Out with damn Harvard, no more time to stall.
2 all of the Harvard students not up to the test
4ever Yale triumphs, but keep doing your best.
! Bet the Harvard kids didn’t even realize this was all an acrostic!
Andrew Cramer | andrew.cramer@yale.edu
Sports Editor at the YDN