Since I will regrettably not be writing my own “Letters From Cambridge” column next year, this will be my last piece for most of y’all. I don’t really have any goodbyes, but boy, have I accumulated some taglines.

Brooks Eubank, a senior in Calhoun College, is a senior in Calhoun College, Brooks Eubank.

Go tell it on a mountain: Brooks Eubank, a senior in Calhoun College, is robbing the poor to feed the rich.

In the intellectual honky-tonk that is Yale University, Brooks Eubank, a senior in Calhoun College, is kicking hippies’ asses and raising hell.

And here is where the actual tagline goes. Keep it to at least three lines or preferably more. And be overly creative, even to the point of inanity, in writing it. It’s useless just to restate what’s obviously in the column.

Brooks Eubank, a bad-ass cowboy living in the cowboy days, is straight up down with it and bi-weekly kicks it old school, literally.

Brooks Eubank, a freshman in the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies, could not think of a predicate for this sentence.

Obligatory Yale rightist disclaimer: Yale University is not responsible for the contents of Brooks Eubank (mostly red meat and butter), nor is Brooks Eubank responsible for the contents of Yale University.

If you caught every last one of his excessive allusions, Brooks Eubank, who also apologizes for his inappropriate overuse of the hyphen, is frightened of you.

Brooks Eubank, an uncompassionate conservative — with results, is a major-league a-hole. Big time.

Screw you guys, Brooks Eubank is going home.

Brooks Eubank is a senior in Calhoun College.