Aileen Santiago

It’s that time of the year again — when upperclassmen debate whether having a kitchen is worth a 40-minute trek to Science Hill, L-Dub first years finally escape their bunk beds, and everyone starts questioning if they really like their suitemates.

As a sophomore, I’ve somehow miraculously managed to stay out of any housing drama this year. I’m sticking together with my current roommate and suitemates and the only point of contention we’ve had so far is whether or not to move off campus or stay within the concrete granola walls of Ezra Stiles College. No one has rage-quit the group chat — yet. 

But my first year? Oh, I saw things. Things that I witnessed and things I experienced. But I learned. And I’m here to help you avoid the mistakes of housing seasons past. If you notice any of the following red flags, RUN — don’t walk — out of that housing group chat.

1.. The Human Tornado

They are the opposite of the clean freak. Their floor is a minefield of half-empty Yerba Mates, overfilled trash cans and “laundry” that has been sitting there since before winter break. The black mold may or may not have taken root in their belongings. You’ve never seen them take out the trash, and you never will. One day soon, you’ll find their wet towel at the corner of YOUR bed, and they will not take accountability for it. 

2.. The “Clean Freak” Who Is Actually Just a Tyrant

The opposite of the Human Tornado. They claim they “just like a tidy space” but what they actually mean is they will passive-aggressively send 2 a.m. texts about one dish in the sink. They will post printouts of the chore rotation chart in the common room and oh-so-subtly hint in chat when someone forgot to mop or vacuum. The copious amounts of cleaning products they bought ruminate under the bathroom sink and expel the fumes that can be smelled from all the way outside the suite door. After having your nose chemically burned by cleaning agents for the past year, do you really want to go through that again? 

3. The Ghoster

They’re the ones who reached out to you during New Year’s to excitedly ask if you wanted to suite with them next year. But when housing configurations finally come around, they have just … disappeared? No texts, no calls, no input on room configurations or suite choice. Just radio silence. Spoiler alert, they joined another suite and forgot to tell you about it. Tough luck! Accept that randomly assigned suitemate or find a last-minute replacement. 

4. The Couple in the Co-Gender Suite

RUN WHILE YOU CAN if you are currently planning to suite with a couple. They may seem cute now, but in three months, you will be collateral damage in their emotional World War III. One day, they’re debating whether to co-sign a lease, and the next, they’re arguing about taking a break in the common room while you pretend to do homework. Do NOT let your housing stability depend on whether they’re on good terms in their relationship.

5. The One Who Swears By The Door Tape

They’ll say it’s for “community building” but let’s be real: this is just a crime waiting to happen. Unless you live on the fourth floor or above, where someone would truly have to hate you and want you dead in order to come and break into your suite, you may want to reconsider living with someone who never has their keys or locks the door. Establish those boundaries immediately and maybe you can avoid waking at 3 a.m. to hear random strangers walking through your suite, or some random dude coming in to ask if this is where the pre-game is, while you’re clearly eating Wingstop and not hosting the pregame that is happening in the next entryway over. 

6. The One Who Never Texts When They Bring Someone Over

Not the biggest dealbreaker, if you consider it one. We’ve all been guilty of doing this. But letting your suitemates, and especially roommates know when you’re bringing someone over is always a good rule of thumb. 

Imagine this: You’re winding down for the night, maybe in your pajamas, maybe mid-face mask, or maybe just trying to heat up your Commons leftovers in peace. And then hello, there’s a random stranger in your common room. No warning, no courtesy text, just an unfamiliar human sitting on your couch making awkward eye contact with you. 

It’s a little mental battle of who is going to speak first. You always hope it’s the other person first. At first, you assume it’s a one-time thing. An accident. A lapse in judgment. But then it happens again. And again. Before you know it, their mystery guest has spent more time in your suite than you have. Who are they? A situationship? A lost tourist? You’ll never know, because your suitemate hasn’t told you yet after months of this happening. The scariest part? The possibility of crossing paths in the in-suite bathroom. A heads up is always nice and a simple text would save us all from this avoidable nightmare.

Overall, housing at Yale can be an emotional battlefield and the right — or wrong — suitemates can make or break your year. The red flags aren’t always obvious at first, but always trust your gut. If you’re getting weird vibes, better to be safe than sorry and face a year of turmoil. Choose wisely.

Happy housing season, Yalies!