Zink: OMG, whom did we elect?

In a tableau that was mirrored on countless college campuses, in city streets and suburbs across the country, hundreds of Yalies converged on Old Campus on Tuesday night to celebrate Barack Obama’s historic victory. People hugged. People cried. Chants of “Yes we can” were met with even more spirited chants of “Yes we did.”

Yet every raucous celebration comes with a morning after, and no hangover will be more severe than the one Americans will suffer when they wake up in bed, so to speak, with president-elect Barack Obama, who is secretly a terrorist. I cannot imagine how embarrassed Obama’s supporters will be when they realize what they’ve done.

Though Americans may try to ignore Obama’s under-reported involvement in the terrorist anti-poverty and school reform charities of Bill Ayers, the voice of reason shall eventually prevail. Surely I am not the only person who realizes Obama’s middle name, Hussein, is also the last name of Saddam Hussein, the deposed terrorist dictator of Iraq. As if that weren’t damning enough, “Obama” is only a single letter away from “Osama,” as in Osama bin Laden. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Obama’s terrorist handlers were trying to taunt us when they assigned him all those names.

While other Yale students took time off to work for Democrat campaigns, I’ve been trying to raise American awareness of the threat by attending John McCain rallies and shouting slogans like, “Obama is a terrorist,” “Kill him!” or, when I was in a particularly medieval mood, “Off with his head!”

Sadly, my cries were largely ignored. By the end of the campaign, even John McCain seemed to have been suckered in by Obama’s charming, patriotic façade. When a woman in the crowd at one of McCain’s town hall meetings insisted she had “read about [Obama] and he’s not, he’s not uh — he’s an Arab,” McCain snatched the microphone and declared that Obama was not an Arab but rather “a decent family man with whom I happen to have some disagreements.”

An alluring myth: not an Arab, but a “family man.” It’s certainly stirring to see Obama on stage with his two “adorable” children, but how are we to be sure that they are not just pint-sized terrorist operatives? After all, Obama had declared them “off-limits” to the media for the duration of the campaign. What, Americans should’ve asked themselves, did the Obama “family” have to hide?

As much as I wish people had heeded these warning signs, I suppose it is time for me to accept the fact that, come January, there will be a terrorist running this once-great nation. What, then, should we expect from an Obama presidency?

Obama, like all terrorists, hates the United States of America and everything for which it stands. Therefore, his first priority will be to make certain changes to our patriotic pastimes. Flag burning will become a mandatory daily ritual, while the Pledge of Allegiance will be replaced with a string of hateful obscenities. The patriotic song “God Bless America” will almost certainly be revised to “God Damn America.”

With a strong Democratic majority in the House and Senate, Obama will have an easy time pushing his Islamic fundamentalist agenda. Given the opportunity, he will stock the Supreme Court with fellow terrorists who will legislate their radical views from the bench, freeing the inmates of Guantanamo Bay and reinterpreting the Constitution to allow gay marriage. Could Osama bin Laden be tapped for Chief Justice? Only time will tell.

The economic picture is no sunnier. Whereas the Romans promised their populace “bread and circuses,” Obama offers the equally distasteful planks of his Islamo-socialist ideology: suicide bombings and the wanton redistribution of wealth. In an Obama administration, neither your person nor your pocketbook will be safe.

I know some doubters will scoff at my portrayal of Obama’s “Islamo-socialism,” pointing out that fundamentalist Islamic theocracies have never embraced socialism. But this is a naïve reaction, grounded in a severe underestimation of our enemies’ cunning nature. Certainly, the terrorists know that if their governments adopted socialism as a matter of economic policy, America would be quick to reject this system, as we do all things that have ever been associated with terrorism. Therefore, the terrorists have avoided all outward signs of supporting socialism, in the hopes of someday inflicting this values system upon us.

With the hijacking of the American presidency by Barack Obama, these Islamo-socialists have committed perhaps the greatest act of terror ever perpetrated on American soil. Yet the American spirit is resilient, finding a silver lining in every tragedy. As Americans become disillusioned with the broken promises and terrorist leanings of President Obama, they will clamor for a new voice in Washington. The way will be clear for a savior in 2012 — Sarah Palin.

Michael Zink is a senior in Saybrook College.

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