John Phillips
Graduating seniors step onto their bully pulpit one last time

It’s difficult for me to offer any sort of retrospective regarding my triumphant, white-knuckled thrill-ride with the Yale Daily News. Half of the articles I […]

Here’s why I hate McDonald’s

I’m never going to McDonald’s again in my life. I hate the place. I’d rather eat sawdust and shoe leather like a stranded sailor and […]

The shameless commercialization of patriotism

I’ve always believed that you can gauge the economic prosperity of a country not by its Gross Domestic Product, but by whatever object the 9-year […]

If you copulate, chimps of Jersey, don’t populate

Think about life’s major steps for a moment — college, graduate school, job interviews, credit cards, buying a house, sex change — all of these […]

Reconciling my fate with German Expressionism

Lately you might have noticed several people wandering around campus with a blank stare casting from their bemused eyes, their lifeless bodies droning like phantoms […]

Hey Leftists: Better start waving that American flag

I’ve never been to California in my life. In fact, my only West Coast experience was a river-rafting trip in Idaho — hardly the world […]