Yale’s Intramural sports program is one of my favorite single aspects of Yale College. It encapsulates everything that makes Yale great in my eyes: friendly competition, residential college spirit and Bulldogs showing we are more than just our academic talents — we are also pretty damn athletic.

As a member of Saybrook College, noted nine-time and, God willing, soon-to-be 10-time winners of the Tyng Cup, I think that our IM sports schedules are all missing something. Sure, we have our annual beatdowns of the other colleges, sprinkled in with losses that can only be blamed on midterm fatigue, wet fields or us deciding to go easy on our opponents, but every sports season needs a little bit of spice.

The NBA, MLB, NFL and MLS all have all-star games, but an IM All-Star game makes no sense in a world with varsity sports. If I wanted to watch all the Yalies who are good at sports play, I would actually get a ticket to the game to watch the Eli’s hang 37 on the Crimson in that concrete eyesore Harvard calls a stadium. No, the best way to add some intrigue to our intramural calendar is to have annual matchups against our corresponding Harvard Houses.

This actually used to be a thing. According to my favorite source for humor articles, Wikipedia, citing Sports Illustrated archives, Game Weekend used to be full of intercollegiate competition. To liven up the weekend and ensure that every Yale residential college — yes, even Branford — gets the chance to feel the joy of an IM victory, we should have the chance to square off and defeat the Harvard houses.

The best parts of any sporting event are the storylines, and we could see some pretty good narratives come out of these rivalries. Here are some examples:

Saybrook Versus Adams House: Battle of the Old Gold Coasts. In their pasts, both Saybrook and Adams House have had sections of their buildings referred to as the Gold Coast. For Saybrook, it’s where the dining hall now is, and for Adams, a whole section of their house history is on the Gold Coast era. Both colleges have gold on their crests, but which one shines brighter? 

Jonathan Edwards Versus Elliot House: The Privilege Playoffs. Prior to randomization, Eliot House was known as a preppy house for the university’s social elite. We all know JE’s reputation as one of Yale’s more beautiful, rich, albeit posh and pretentious colleges. These two make for a natural competition — one I might not be able to afford to watch.

Grace Hopper Versus Kirkland Houser: The Redemption Bowl. We all know the history of Grace Hopper College and its name, but Kirkland House has also had to reckon with a questionable past shield just a few years ago. This would be less a rivalry and more a showcase of how far both have come in recent years.

Morse Versus Mather House: Athletic Legacies. Morse’s proximity to Payne Whitney and its athletic reputation can only truly be matched by Mater House, which was historically preferred by hard-partying athletes before their house system got randomized.

Timothy Dwight Versus Leverett House: Quality Versus Quantity. Leverett House is one of the biggest Harvard Houses, while TD is one of Yale’s smaller and most insular. Seeing the cult-like fanaticism TD breeds in its class-topped Leverett would be a sight to behold.

For the colleges and houses not listed, I either couldn’t find an appropriate comparison to make a rivalry out of, or did not care about them enough to include them — sorry to the Harvard Quad Houses. For students in these houses/colleges, feel free to make your own.

That aside, imagine a Yale-Harvard weekend where there are more games than just the game. Where you get the opportunity to say you beat your Cambridge counterparts in flag football, basketball or broomball. The whole weekend is centered around how much we hate each other, so why not throw some more into it?

This year at Yale-Harvard, between watching Yale stifle the Harvard offense for four quarters, going to probably okay parties, meeting my Cambridge counterparts and making new friends, I chose none of the above. I’ll be looking to play some pickup hoops. Any Harvard students — who didn’t play varsity in high school, are below 6’5″, and are also built like they are made of pipe cleaners — are welcome to challenge me. My email is below. Let’s have our own Game after The Game.

MILES KIRKPATRICK is a sophomore in Saybrook College majoring in the Humanities. His column, “Looking Across the Aisle,” runs biweekly and discusses right-wing politics and spaces at Yale and nationwide. He can be reached at miles.kirkpatrick@yale.edu.