Zahra Virani
Happy HalloWKND, readers! To inaugurate the festivities, I thought it would be fun to throw it back to BuzzFeed era silliness with these not-at-all broad generalizations. Enjoy!
Full size candy bars: Berkeley
They are clearly head and shoulders above all Halloween candies, but to get one, you have to fight to the death (read: withstand the Berkeley lunch crowd). But if you are willing to brave the crowd, it’s totally worth it.
Hershey’s Bar: Hopper
You’re fine. Heck, you are a classic. Great location, serviceable buttery, decent game room, etc. Your brunch is fine. Some people worship you, but I think you are just fine. Mid, even. But when a craving for Halloween candy arises, you get the job done.
Reese’s: Saybrook
This is my favorite Halloween candy. This is also everyone’s favorite Halloween candy, and if they say differently, they are lying (except my nut allergy warriors, luv u). People try to call Reese’s overrated every year, but the sales dominance does not lie. You know what else does not lie? Saybrook’s IMs record this year. SAY WHAT???
(Yes, I do happen to be in Saybrook. Complete coincidence.)
Laffy Taffy: Branford
You lack flavor. See: Blandford allegations.
Pixie Stix: Davenport
You know, because of the whole gnome thing? I know it’s a stretch, but just like you surprise yourself by still consuming that Pixie Stix on Halloween night (because it’s there, so might as well), you will somehow find yourself in Davenport more often than you think. Seriously, I don’t know what sort of homing beacon they have in that college, but I ALWAYS find myself in Davenport. I only have like three Davenport friends. It doesn’t make sense, and yet you will find yourself encountering it one way or another.
That weird white chocolate version of Reese’s: Pierson
If your friend handed you a white chocolate Reese’s, you’d mostly likely look at them slightly puzzled and ask why they didn’t just get you a regular Reese’s. Why would you go to Pierson when you could just cross York Street and go to Saybrook? Also, I had to make an obvious joke about your white dining hall. I just could not help myself.
Licorice: JE
Because we all know licorice sux (just like JE).
Caramel apple: Murray
Okay, technically not a Halloween candy, but it is a snack associated with Halloween, so the point still stands. Is it delicious and surprisingly good? Yes. Is it going to take you an inconvenient amount of time to eat? Also yes. Murray, I love you, but I can rarely get friends to make the trek up to your sunny .
Jolly Ranchers: Franklin
Like caramel apples (and Murray), these are decidedly good. Same problem as caramel apples (and Murray) though — I just do not have time to eat them.
Werther’s Caramels: Silliman
While you are probably not anyone’s first choice (RIP those of you in Silliman who had Old Campus hopes and dreams), anyone who encounters you has to begrudgingly admit… you are quite good. Just like this candy, you are classy. You have a great courtyard and staircase. Your common room is unmatched. I like you a lot (except for your whole rule about not accepting transfers until 6 p.m. some days… not cool).
Now and Laters: TD
Everyone kind of forgot about you. But you are, despite what people might think, still there!
Swedish Fish: Stiles
Swedish Berries: Morse
I was trying to think of two candies that were essentially the same for this. Luckily, fellow WKND writer and friend Aiden Zhou ’28 told me about a Canadian (yes, he is Canadian, they do exist) delicacy, Swedish Berries, which are pretty much the same things as Swedish Fish. Anyway, both are good. You’ll just have to take Aiden’s word for it on the Swedish Berries though.
York Peppermint Patties: Trumbull
Most people hate you. Because you taste like toothpaste. However, I love you. I am a staunch York Peppermint Pattie (and Trumbull) defender. You have a small and intimate fan club (to match your small and intimate college and dining hall) and I love you for it.
I hope this quiz gave you a laugh in what I’m told is still the midterms season (seriously, it’s been like a whole month). Have a great WKND!