Maria Arozamena
If you had ears at the end of Summer 2024, you would have caught wind of two buzzwords dominating conversations: “mindful” and “demure.” You may just think these are trendy buzzwords, on their way to leave the public’s lexicon as fast as they arrived. But, demure and mindful are really guiding principles, especially for those about to step onto campus for the first time.
Arriving at Yale as a first year means more than just adjusting to seminars, “p-sets” or discovering which line in Commons moves fastest — it’s about being a carefully curated version of yourself. From the moment first years step onto Old Campus, there’s an unspoken norm to be mindful, not just of how many classes we take or clubs we join, but of how we navigate Yale. For many, this expectation translates into being demure, a kind of effortless restraint. It’s the art of being polished, poised and controlled.
Mindfulness and demureness are guaranteed to earn you the silent approval of upperclassmen. Here’s a list of rules — of what NOT to do — based on the mistakes of non-mindful and non-demure members of the Class of ’28:
- “Blasted a YouTube video at full volume in Sterling”
- “Committed FOOT-cest and FroCo group-cest — yes, both”
- “Asked a hot med student which residential college they are in”
- “Was late to my 9am and pulled up in pajamas”
- “Saw my FroCo at the function”
- “Accidentally pulled the LDub fire alarm”
- “Fell in the muddy floor of the crew house”
- “Survived Woads, Foads and Soads”
- “Over-explored the stacks”
- “Spilled my new, overpriced matcha all over the floor”
- “Accidentally late-liked a senior’s post”
So, the general rule of thumb is: be cautious, keep your head down, try not to cause a stir. Actually, if possible, don’t ever speak or go out. At first glance, this seems like sound advice for any new environment. But following these guidelines can often feel like walking on a tightrope of expectations. A pressure that can end up taking precedence over embracing the full range of experiences available to us.
I mean, where is the space for risk? For the kind of memorable messy mistakes that make freshman year something we will remember? Where is the room for nostalgia and embarrassment? Is prioritizing being mindful and demure really what the Yale Admissions Office was looking for when they said yes?? Not only is it exhausting — mindfulness and demureness is counterproductive. Yale is supposed to be a time to test boundaries, to figure out who we are and explore the parts of ourselves that don’t fit into the Common App.
The truth is, no one wants to see how you are mindful or demure, in fact, no one cares. In a generation that is finally letting go of gender roles, strict career paths, conventional beauty standards and social norms — why are we allowing social media to control us? Let us have the genuine experiences that make us authentically ourselves. True growth comes from the willingness to make mistakes and take risks. So, here is a TO-DO bucket-list for your time at Yale, which will hopefully make you live beyond mindfulness and demureness.
- Hike East Rock for the views — and yes, a picnic in the park to feel extra outdoorsy!
- Casually ask that cute kid for their number — no rehearsals necessary.
- Campaign for student council like you’re running for president — extra points for an Instagram post/story advertising your campaign, claiming to bring back to-go boxes, install AC and make laundry free.
- Go on a New Haven pizza quest: Sally’s, Pepe’s, Yorkside — may the best slice win!
- Invite your professor to lunch.
- Dine at every dining hall and channel your inner food critic — yes, even JE deserves a rating.
- Sled down Science Hill.
- Go to that party even if you were not totally invited.
- Attend a friend’s performance or game and scream like their biggest fan.
- Woads, Foads, Soads: embrace the chaos.
- Master the art of “Let’s get coffee/lunch sometime” — and actually follow through once!
- Snowball fight on Old Campus, because who doesn’t want to launch snow at your annoying DS classmate?
- Go wild with Halloweekend costumes — creativity has no limits, but your dignity might.
- Paint your face, put on your overpriced Yale merch and lose your voice at THE GAME.
- Stand outside the frats either because you can’t get in or because you’re waiting for your very reliable friend who said they’d get you in the list.
- Spring Fling! Dance like it’s the last concert of your life — until next year.
- Try Ashley’s ice cream!
- Go to duty night “hydrated” and see if you can stay off your FroCos radar.
- Climb the Harkness Tower — or just admire it from the ground, it’s the thought that counts.
- Get your hands dirty at Yale Farm.
- Ice skate at The Whale — and fall at least twice.
- Feel fancy at a college orchestra performance and clap dramatically.
- Visit a New Haven Chinese market — find something you’ve never heard of and make it dinner.
- Audition for a comedy group!
- Meet Handsome Dan, because your Instagram feed needs more bulldog.
- Graduate. But honestly, this one is optional — no rush.