Lizzie Conklin
I’ve been asked to rank the residential college gyms, but first of all, let’s acknowledge the fact that Yale has upwards of 12 different gyms.
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Also, to assist you in making an informed choice, here’s a brief overview of Yale’s 12 diverse gym facilities:
12.
It’s astronomical.
Perhaps it’s a desperate attempt from Yale to produce both brains and brawn among “normies” (what varsity athletes like to call us student folk), or maybe it’s an attempt to deter complaints from gym rats who deem PWG too far a walk for their regular fitness regime. Regardless of the reasoning behind such excess, it’s my job to evaluate which resco gyms make the cut. And since I therefore took the liberty of visiting all of these on-campus luxuries, I will do my due diligence of sharing which gyms are actually worth the trek and which ones are best left to the members of their respective rescos.
1. Pierson*
As an unbiased PiersonKnight, I can honestly say that the Pierson gym is unequivocally the best. Two floors, open space, ceilings not too high or too low, a plenitude of cardio equipment, weights, bountiful space to do abs or body-weight exercises. If you don’t believe me, go see it for yourself.
2. Murray/Franklin
Objectively one of the ‘nicest’ gyms (i.e. has the most — and most updated — equipment), but also one of the least utilized. Do better pauliMurs (Get it? liMurs? Lemurs? I don’t) and Franklinites. And get better nicknames.
3. JE
The most gym-like gym. When you walk in, it actually feels like you’re in a gym and not some sketchy basement renovation project. It’s got speckled rubber floors. Mirrors, but not too many mirrors. Decently nice equipment — not the best, but not the worst, either. Some wood. Some brick. Some cement. Some storage space. A hydration station. And a nice 2-in-1 trash and recycling can to boot. 10/10 recommend.
4. Morse/Stiles
Vaulted ceilings! Stone made to look like wood! Bands and other fun equipment! An abundance of mat space and cardio equipment! Natural light! Morsels have no excuse not to be cut.
5. Branford
So fun and fresh! Honestly did not expect that of Branford. I love that there’s one blue wall and a curved wall?? Genuinely so hip and cool?? Worth the trek for sure.
6. Silliman
By all metrics, ‘very nice’ (i.e. vanilla). Perfectly ‘adequate’ (i.e. mediocre).
7. TD
Multipurpose room: clutch. Cardio, abs, light weights, closed-off area with mirrors. Love it. Weight room? Subpar. But gets the job done. TDers can certainly get by, but I’m not sure if I would recommend it to an outsider.
8. Hopper
Tiny, like a one-room schoolhouse. Dumbbells: strangely plentiful. Stale abandoned coffee? Perhaps best left to the Hopper Poppers.
9. Berkeley
Too small. Too many mirrors. I felt like Raoul in Phantom of the Opera.
10. Trumbull
Also small, but sufficient. Equipment surprisingly updated! But severely lacks (i.e. absolutely no) sanitary products? Questionable.
11. Saybrook
The only gyms that were both vacant and whose lights were mysteriously turned off. And you heard me right — gyms. Those Saybrugians who don’t skip leg day are rewarded with a haunted, crouched-ceilinged annex exclusively outfitted with leg equipment which supplements the other gym, which at least has more than a mat and a leg-press.
That’s all for now, folks.
Happy lifting!
*I know it’s technically “Pierson/Davenport,” but let’s be real. We all know whose gym it is.