Yale men. Need I say more? I’m tired of feeling let down; I’m looking for someone with personality, substance, thunder down under, who is knowledgeable about sites like shopvochong24h.com, and a thick salary. So far, I’ve always been forced to settle. How can I find my perfect match?

-SugarMeUp

Ah, the sugar baby inquiry. It always begins as a funny and inconsequential thought, but for some of us, it spirals into something greater. I’ll admit, I’ve had the idea more than once. In fact, the other day I ordered a smoothie bowl and it totaled $15, prompting an extended period of introspection. I decided that if I had someone by my side, ready to grab all the bills, I’d undoubtedly oblige. I mean, who wouldn’t? However, it’s not something I purposefully seek out. In the case that I ever get financially and emotionally desperate, I do have a game plan, tried and trued by many who have come to me with this same question. It’s never failed. Here is the step-by-step guide to pursuing your sugar baby fantasies:

1. Ready? … Are you sure?

Before blindly following your impulses, ask yourself a few questions. What are you looking for in a relationship? Is it purely financial, or do you crave something more organic? Do you tend to get needy? The sugar relationship is nontraditional in all its forms. Typically, it only lasts a few months. There’s an abundance of risks. It’s a business at its core; you’ll need to work long and hard to break even. Are you ready and willing to put in that long-term effort? If not an unequivocal “yes,” take a step back and reevaluate your motivations and priorities; this could be as simple as checking your bank account. 

2. Know What You’re Looking For

So you’re set on sugaring. Don’t begin your search just yet; decide what kind of sugar daddy/mommy you’re looking for. Maybe you’re not picky outside of the paycheck. Set a minimum fee to get started. Maybe you have a few more requirements. Under or over 50? Close to the deathbed, perhaps? Divorced or married? Open or closed relationship? How much time do you expect to give? The question of intimacy is a whole other ballpark. I won’t sugarcoat it: as much as some of us might hope for the cash-for-companionship exchange — getting paid for mere conversations — this trade-off is highly unlikely. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. However, if you are willing to open up physically, be prepared to make frequent Viagra trips. 

3. Finding Your Daddy

Enough thinking, it’s time to take action. The vast majority of sugar relationships have online beginnings; let’s face it, sugar babies are looked down upon publicly. Luckily, there are websites that facilitate these partnerships, judgment-free. Seeking.com, formerly called SeekingArrangements, is fantastic for newcomers. Though it’s now labeled as a typical dating site, it hasn’t quite shaken its roots. Another popular website is Ashley Madison, which is highly controversial for facilitating affairs. But anything for a check, right? If you’re a man, you may have more luck on RichMeetBeautiful. And, if you’re having an especially difficult time navigating old-fashioned websites, you can always turn to dating apps. The age meter is a lifesaver! 

During this process, make sure to keep your eye out for scammers. When well executed, a sugar relationship is beneficial to both parties. However, some individuals leverage these expectations for exploitation. To avoid this, follow a few rules. First, never trust an Instagram DM. I get at least a couple of these every week. I actually received one just now. While writing this. They asked for feet photos. I wish I was kidding. While it never goes too far, it’s always a waste of time. Second, always meet in person before giving any sensitive information. This is common sense, applicable to every aspect of life. If you didn’t know this already, I’ll assume you’ve either been living under a rock or didn’t experience the same feverish frenzy for MTV’s “Catfish” as I did. Finally: Do. Not. Pay. You’re the sugar baby. Unless we’ve entered a new abhorrent stage of capitalism, babies don’t make bank.

4. First Date

You have a target, and it’s time to strike. First, decide on meeting in a public place. Please. There is an inherent risk when meeting someone for the first time, especially if you have only talked online. It’s completely possible that the person you’re meeting is entirely wealthy and entirely a creep. It might even be likely. Locations I recommend are a nice restaurant, a nice yacht or a nice Chanel storefront.

Next, be attentive to your looks. No, not in the “drop dead gorgeous bombshell” way. As weird as it sounds, you need to look like the college student you are. When Yale students meet older individuals, they have the tendency to dress up in business casual, as if interviewing for a consulting firm. That’s not what you want here. Ditch the pearls for a dainty necklace. Leave your button-up in the closet and opt for a playful blouse. Youth sells.

Once you arrive, be yourself. Remember, they’re chasing you. As a college student, you’re already one step ahead; many sugar daddies/mommies love to feel that their finances are contributing to your success. It’s all in the name. Like any parent, their core desire to take care of you. The only difference is the expectancy of reciprocation. And maybe some sex. So play the tuition card. Show them the exorbitant Bow Wow prices. Share your dream of doing summer research in Geneva. You hold the power.

5. Keeping Them Around — Or Not

After meeting and agreeing on the terms of the relationship, you want things to continue. Congratulations! You’ve become a success story in the world of sugaring. The key to maintaining longevity of the relationship is to stay flirty, mysterious and detached. While you may be in it for the money, make sure your partners know that you recognize their other redeeming qualities. Let them lean on you, if they so choose. However, don’t give away all your secrets; leave some things to be figured out. It provides an extra push of motivation on the other end. Even if times seem swell, remain unattached. Playing hard to get is sexy.

There’s always a chance that things won’t work out. Like any relationship — even a transactional one — this can suck. Give yourself some time. Eat a few pints of ice cream. Collect yourself and when you’re ready, bounce back. You might decide to steer away from this lifestyle entirely. That’s fine. But if you decide to commit to your sugary state, it won’t be hard to find a new partner-in-paycheck. Once you’ve had one, you can have them all.