Mark Twain once quipped, “If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!”

Welcome to hell, Mr. Twain, and lasciate ogne speranza. In 80 countries around the world, fascistic politicians, egoistic self-righteous activists and Harvard University have nearly eradicated the happiness of cigar enthusiasts. Harvard has even gone so far as to suggest that any film in which an actor smokes a cigarette should receive an R-rating. While it is no surprise that Harvard would dismiss the life choices of 43.4 million Americans from their cold, icy, safety-school ivory towers, the scientific community’s disregard of evidence regarding potential health benefits of smoking proves more disconcerting.

Smoking is not healthy, and nobody is suggesting otherwise. However, studies have been conducted which suggest that smoking tobacco may reduce the risk of Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s diseases. Do federal governments or scientific think-tanks take this into account when composing or proposing legislation? No. Why? Because they are so set in their idolatrous worship of malleable graphs and data.

By 2009, over 31,000 American scientists signed a petition stating that “there is no convincing scientific evidence that human release of carbon dioxide, methane, or other greenhouse gasses is causing … catastrophic heating of the Earth’s atmosphere.” Yet politicians continue to pass legislation and produce self-aggrandizing films under the assumption that global warming is both imminent and civilization-ending.

Sometimes consensuses are wrong: The universe is not geocentric, tight pants do not, in fact, mean that you are unique and creative, and smoking is not the societal root of all evil. If you don’t like the smell of smoke, then walk to the other side of the room.

Review: Tatuaje Riqueza No. 1

Strength: Medium

Shape: Corona

Cost: ~$9

I love Tatuaje cigars, and I think that owner Pete Johnson is a genius. That said, this cigar is a disappointment. Johnson has produced some of my favorite cigars, so I could not wait to try this latest release, produced with the help of the Don Pepin and Oliva labels. After removing it from the box, I found that this stick gave considerably when squeezed, and the Connecticut broadleaf wrapper stood in stark contrast to Johnson’s typical Nicaraguan puros. An overwhelming taste of leather and salt hits the palate from the first few puffs and remains, though perhaps a bit dulled, for the entirety of the smoke. By the second third, feeble hints of mocha begin to emerge. While it draws well and produces billows of smoke, the cigar ultimately left me bored and unsatisfied. A miss from an otherwise spectacular company. C+