Yale Retro Style

Not retro like acid and “All Along the Watchtower” on the roof of SSS. I mean old-school retro. Start your night at a Duke’s or Whiff’s concert (preferably donning that new J. Press blazer), make your way over to Chapel Street for some good American eats (try Union League or Zinc on daddy’s Visa) or maybe even to the Owl Shop on College for a smooth smoke of an imported Havana cigarillo or a classy sip of fine port. Top off your night at Mory’s late night for cups with the boys. Who needs Toad’s when you can have a jolly ole time?

Artsy Schvartsy

Change out of sweatpants and into skinny jeans. See a play at the Yale Rep or that new exhibition at the YUAG, try Latin cuisine (we like Soul de Cuba, Pacifico and Ibiza), blather on about Rodin, Warhol or Inarritu and bewail social injustice. A mug of fair-trade, organic java at Atticus will give you the injection of caffeine needed to steel yourself for the long jaunt over to one of those suspect, cannabis-scented, techno-pumping social gatherings on Edgewood that personae non gratae like to call hipster parties. Proceed with trendy caution.

Saturday Night Standard Operating Procedure

Pregame in your bud’s suite with Vodka Roulette. Designate one friend to pour shot glasses numbering twice as many as people, half filled with fire water (Popov is your best bet), half with actual water. Before pouring, everyone else leaves the room. On designated friend’s command, return to shot glasses and immediately, unthinkingly pound two of the shot glasses. Play as long as possible and then venture off to any event that involves the bump n’ grind, Ludacris, sweat, hot chicks or any combination thereof. After losing all of your friends, stumble home nauseous and confused or with someone you don’t know. Great time, see you there next weekend!

Sake, Sake Bomb

The art of imbibing sake is a strict dichotomy of the sophisticated and the shitshowy. Option 1: Make your way over to one of the homes of New Haven’s classier sushi affairs (think Miya’s or Miso). Sip glasses from congeries of fancy imported sakes and munch on equally haute plates of fusion rolls, all while lolling about in a zen-like, chichi ambience. Option 2: reserve a table for more than ten after 9 pm at one of New Haven’s sake speakeasies (Samurai’s is primo). The Chinese proprietors will know exactly what you mean. Drink generic white rice wine with Sapporo, pound your fists on the table in excitement and revel in downright belligerence.

Staying In

Leave the gun, take the Pepe’s — because what guy doesn’t like “The Godfather”? Recreate every man’s macabre dream of being a Mafia hit man: rent the entire trilogy (or any Scorcese, Coppola or Pacino movie, for that matter), which must be watched start-to-finish chronologically. Order in more pies than guys from one of New Haven’s infamous pizza digs, let the boxes of Franzia overflow into Solos, and discuss which section asshole to take out or teacher to extort. Capeesh?

Pong All Night Long

Why go out when you can get sufficiently wasted in your very own room? Here’s the formula: get six racks of cheap ale (preferably Keystone Light), order a trough of extra hot Buffalo Wild Wings, turn on the Pats or Sox game, get a table and some cups, arrange cups into a pyramidal formation at posterior and anterior end of said table, pour each a third full with beer and toss ping pong ball into cups alternating with your partner, never ceasing to drink. Simple, but teeming with bleary-eyed deliciousness. No texting or broken limbs allowed.

Midterm Mondays

Stay in the library until 8pm or until your friends drag you out. Chill in your dorm, watch one of those inane romantic comedies like “Wedding Crashers” for the fourteenth time, play poker, do a crossword, bitch and moan about your work and make sure to get to bed before 2 am.

Carry on My Wayward Eli

After pulverizing Kirby into oblivion in Super Smash, strap on your six-string for the wild, self-propelled musical entertainment that is Guitar Hero. Belt out notes and let your fingers fly — the more fist pumps, slides, dips and turns the better. Caution: Excessive playing of Guitar Hero may cause you to have uncontrollable urges to break out in song. Spare your roommates. They have Journey’s Greatest Hits on iTunes, too.