To Whom It May Concern:
I am a junior at Yale University, and I wish to apply for a position at your company in the summer of 2008. As a Yale student, I learned of the position through Yale’s Undergraduate Career Services database. I feel that my unique combination of rigorous analytical characteristics, dazzling interpersonal prowess and subtle yet formidable leadership talents makes me a strong candidate for the job. Also, I go to Yale.
At Yale, I have exposed myself to a broad spectrum of academic areas and have approached every subject with competence and pizzazz. Especially, I have enrolled in many quantitative courses that are heavily dependent on the use of numbers and have honed important techniques in numerical identification and manipulation. I believe these abilities would make me a valuable asset to your company.
Despite my quantitative pursuits, I have been careful not to neglect my communication capabilities. My vocal skills are well developed, and my passion for conversationalism has won me many friends and allowed me to participate in a plethora of social milieus. As for my written abilities, I can only hope that in this letter they speak for themselves.
I am similarly well-endowed with leadership potential. For instance, in group projects for class, I am consistently in the position that delegates work to other team members and communicates most closely with the professor.
I have a great deal of prior work experience in fields relevant to your company. In the summer following my graduation from high school, I worked as an emergency poolside health facilitator. During this time, I also founded my own online business, a financial services site that provides in-depth, up-to-date information to dealers and private collectors of “Magic: The Gathering” playing cards. I am proud to report that after only four months of operation, my business was runner-up for Sorcero magazine’s Online Global Enchantment of the Year Award.
During the summer of 2006, I worked in one of Yale University’s many world-renowned, highly prestigious laboratories. As an associate research coordinator, my responsibilities included recruiting and interviewing test subjects, compiling personal data of test subjects and removal of test subject waste. At this time, I am not sure whether bushbabies feature prominently in your company’s operations; if they do, you will find my expertise commodious.
During the summer of 2007, I played World of Warcraft extensively.
My work record is complemented by my involvement in extracurricular activities at Yale. I am the director of one of Yale’s improvisational comedy troupes, The Cello Inquiry. While your company may not need jokes per se, I am sure that any workplace would benefit from my impersonations of Madeleine Albright, a favorite among Yale audiences. I am quite tall, and my attempts to recreate her diminutive frame are always entertaining, to say the least. Also, as a reference to a past political era, the Albright impression is especially appealing to older audience members like yourself or other full-time company employees.
I understand if you feel that you are receiving this missive prematurely, it being November 2007. If this is the case, I offer you the same adage my mother barked out at me on this very topic over Thanksgiving dinner — “The early bird gets the worm.” If it upsets you to think of your company as a worm which I will be getting, please imagine me as the bluebird of happiness, my eager beak pecking at the soil of our mutual interest. Bluebirds of happiness such as myself do not come around often and even more rarely fling themselves at the gleaming windows of your midtown skyscraper, trying to batter through the seemingly invisible yet surprisingly impermeable barrier to the adult world. Act now! Open the window and let me in so that your company and my future might grow together in salutary harmony.
Thank you for your consideration. Please contact me if I may provide further information. I am happy to discuss my criminal record in an interview context.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Steven Kochevar is your competition for summer internships.