As the days of turkey recede into distant memory and classes are wrapping up, scene casts its gaze on the proverbial crystal ball and asks: What are the seven things you can do to make it to the end of fall 2006?
1. Spend more time on YouTube: It’s the new it’s-two-in-the-morning-and-I-have-a-paper-due-in-eight-hours distraction. Cancelled your Facebook account so you’d actually get some work done? YouTube will satisfy your desire to procrastinate much more efficiently. And there are no “invasive” news feeds — even though you know you secretly like being able to stalk your classmates, admit it.
2. Break up with your old flame: Follow the Britney/K-Fed trend (without the unnecessary and unfortunately destined to be ugly babies) and ditch your current hook-up buddy.
3. Turn 21: As we all know by now, you must be 21 to possess alcohol. It’s getting colder — at least it’s supposed to — and you have more work. Enough said.
4. Buy all your presents NOW: Save your precious pennies by taking advantage of online sales. Buying that perfect cat-shaped vase for your aunt is much more important than studying for your finals. Trust us.
5. Bullshit more: It worked for Vayner. So he may not ever work on Wall St. — or in this country — again, but he did get his 15 minutes of fame before he reached paunchy middle age. Today we toast his mad skills.
6. Walk alone at night down Park St. and leave your door unlocked: It’s obviously blissfully safe in the Haven this semestser.
7. Find some mistletoe: When your bed becomes unacceptably cold after accomplishing directive number two above, check out a holiday party and seek out a new ‘friend’ under the traditional leaves. With brand-new gifts, it’ll be like Christmas’ already here!
And now we leave you to your weekend with this final possible solution from last year’s Spring Fling co-artist: “I thought about the army…”