Another year, another you.

Though resolutions are normally reserved for the New Year (and the accompanying hangover guilt), there really should be a strict policy on beginning-of-school-year promises to ourselves. What better time, really, to re-evaluate who we are, what we should be and how we should change drastically?

So without further ado, we bring you scene’s top 10 resolutions for the school year.

1) Love your neighbor as you love yourself. That means stealing creative energy from your peers. And befriending the hot floormate you share your shower with. Because Yale showers are meant for two. And they’re hot (thanks, Paris). And they’re marble.

2) Drink to your health. They say that drinking eight glasses of water a day will clear up your skin. But more importantly, red wine is good for your heart. And special teas are good for your soul.

3) Honor thy father and mother. Be kind to your master, or else Saybrook’s Mary Miller and TD’s Master T will disown you. And forever means forever.

4) You shall not commit adultery. If you’re lucky enough to have a college-life partner, don’t mess it up with some bimbo freshman. Or else you’ll get the clap. Or a bad reputation.

5) Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other gold, after all. But bronze goes to the high-school BFFs who keep IMing.

6) A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

7) Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy. Saturday Night Dance Parties are unholy, and not in the good way. Try staying at home and listening to Radiohead. (Or watch TV Land.)

8,9, & 10) Read scene more. Because …

… we pledge, in one measly week, to bring you a bigger, better scene. More color. More books (illustrated ones, of course). More food (not dining halls). More sex. And more sex.