My boyfriend and I are dressing up today as Romeo and Juliet for Halloween but I feel more like the Bundy parents.ÊIs it OK to end things after a long romantic night?

Hey, don’t be so quick to dismiss the Bundy family. After all, Al and Peggy single-handedly made Fox a viable fourth network. Besides dealing with a floundering relationship, what exactly have you and your boy done lately?

More to the point, though, Halloween shouldn’t be an issue when timing your breakup. Let me put your mind at ease and clue you in on a little secret: Halloween is not a romantic night. It’s not Valentine’s Day. It’s not New Year’s Eve. Hell, it’s not even Flag Day. Liquor treating and the YSO show aren’t exactly conducive to a romantic atmosphere. When it comes right down to it, Halloween is nothing more than another evening of Yale drunkenness. The only added bonus is that it’s the one night each year when “she was wearing a mask” is an available excuse for hooking up with the skank down the hall. And besides, believe you me, by the end of tonight your Romeo will be so anxious to get out of his tights, he probably won’t even notice you giving him the axe. In that case, maybe Halloween is the perfect opportunity to do the dirty work.

But if you’re still not convinced, let me point one more thing out. While he may find himself depressed after you set him free, things could be worse: at least he won’t end up like the star-crossed lover he was dressed up as — that is to say, dead.

My girlfriend always borrows my clothes to walk home in and then never washes them before she brings them back. Not only do I have tons of clothes missing, none of them are clean either! Am I being too demanding when I ask her to clean up after herself?


Surprisingly enough, your apparently simple question has me confused on a number of levels. For example, what exactly is your girlfriend wearing when she gets to your room in the first place? I mean, does she lose articles of clothing as the night progresses making it impossible for her to wear her own garments home, or does she just show up stark naked from the beginning? Secondly, what the hell is she doing on the walk home that she would need to “clean up after herself?” You’ve got me thinking along the lines of uncontrollable bowels here, and that’s not a pretty thing to imagine (needless to say, if I’ve just hit the proverbial nail on the head, dump her. Please, please dump her).

Of course, the specifics aren’t the issue here. The issue is that you’re not at ease asking your girlfriend to essentially be a little more considerate. That doesn’t seem too demanding to me, although unlike you, I’m not a pussy. Perhaps you need to reevaluate the relationship altogether. If you’re not comfortable asking someone you’re sleeping with to think about your needs too, maybe you shouldn’t be sleeping with her. But then again, you might not want to break it off too soon. After all, women who walk around naked and then crap in your clothes are hard to come by these days.

Believe me, I’ve been looking.

Matt Horowitz does not watch “Gilmore Girls.”