The soundtrack to the new movie-musical “Chicago” stormed the Billboard charts last week, debuting at No. 4 with over 83,000 copies sold. The album features tunes “sung” (much in the same way that I “exercise”) by Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellweger and Richard “Why the Hell Do Women Still Think My Wrinkly Old Ass Is Hot?” Gere. Unfortunately, this is only the latestÊdevelopment in a long history of crooning thespians.
“But Andrew,” you are thinking, “isn’t it worth hearing J. Lo sing as long as we get to see her shake the small nation that is her rump?”
Ah, but it’s not so simple. For every J. Lo we embrace, we egg on an Eddie Murphy. If you don’t know what I am talking about, pick up his 1992 album “Love’s Alright,” which features collaborations with both Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson (on “Watzupwitu,” which now enters the 11th year of its reign as the worst song title ever imagined).
And don’t thank me. The sound of vomiting throughout our fair campus is thanks enough.
— Amdrew Roach