Okay, so you wrote home because you saw Derek Jeter at Toad’s and you thought that was gossip. Let’s give you a little more to write about.

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A drunken freshman boy at an Edgewood party hooked up with a junior girl, left the scene to throw up, returned, found the girl’s visiting 16-year-old little sister and proceeded to hook up with HER.

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More dish on Britney: Turns out El Capitan of el beisbol team got a call from one of his friends this summer telling him to come to NYC for a hot date — without telling him who’d be waiting on the other end. When he arrived (via swanky Metro North) he was picked up in a limo containing the Pop Princess herself. They went dancin’, dancin’ — but we hear later in the night there was no (repeat: no) bumpin’, bumpin’. Please see Catherine Halaby’s column on page 5 for some real details on Britney’s sex life. Real!

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In a certain English seminar, classmates were told extensively about one student’s genital warts. When a fellow pupil tried to change the subject, the student angrily offered to show the scars as proof.

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It got hot on the fourth floor of Stiles this week. One dopey sophomore did the old I-forgot-I-lit-a-cigarette trick and the ugly college almost burnt down.

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One senior went back to visit her high school in Windsor, where they happened to be filming a movie. She walked into the local bar and saw none other than Matt Damon; they hit it off, had a few beers, and played pool. He walked her home but, sorry, no goodbye kiss.

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At one drunken fencing initiation — well let’s just say that there are great photos floating around of a little nakedness and a whole lot of fun. I guess the alcohol counselling didn’t pay off, team.

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To answer one New York Times reporter’s question: Yes. A certain campus columnist is hooking up with one city-reporter-turned-managing-editor.

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Want more? You’ll have to wait until next week. Got gossip? E-mail scene@yaledailynews .com — this columnist won’t give up his identity!