Fraternities at Yale: what they say, what we say:

Zeta Psi

What they say:

Located on Whalley Avenue, New Haven’s answer to Times Square, the location of the Zeta Psi house can’t be beat. Less than 100 yards from several exotic locations, it is the epicenter of vice at Yale. Since the brothers of Zeta Psi are mostly retired football players, basketball players, and professional wrestlers, the average height of the fraternity is around 6’3″, but midgets are encouraged to rush in both the fall and spring. When Toad’s closes and you still haven’t quite sealed the deal, take your “date” to Zeta Psi for late night, where the beer flows like wine and the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

What we say:

There are perhaps a total of three women that have ever made an appearance at Zeta Psi. None of them resemble salmon, although some of them do smell like fish. Jokes aside, if you do manage to drink the toxic mixture that Zeta Psi labels “beer” you may not wake until the morning hours. If this is the case, don’t hesitate to start round two at El Amigo Felix or take your “date” (if she hasn’t swum away) to Patricia’s for a delightful morning omelet. You can also refuel at any of the bulletproof gas stations surrounding the property. As an aside, Zeta Psi is known for its toga parties, which are sometimes not so much toga and not so much parties. Discuss amongst yourselves. The “fin de l’annee” Buffet Bash though, is always a hit. Certainly a nice way to send off Spring Fling weekend. Long live midgets.

ADPhi

What they say:

While we’re mainly known as the “lacrosse frat,” we do have several non-lacrosse playing brothers and we welcome more of them. We’re kind of the “anti-fraternity” fraternity. We don’t wear shirt and tie with little pins on ’em. We do, however, love to tailgate at football games and urinate on the bar at Toad’s. As the saying goes over at 23 Lake Place, “We may not go down in history, but we will go down on your sister.”

What we say:

Neither I nor my sister has ever been to ADPhi. Ever. Oh wait. There was that one time that they had a party. It was called Funnel Fest. Which, as you may imagine, was only another excuse for them to urinate.

Sigma Chi

What they say:

Unlike most Yale fraternities, which appeal to members of one specific sports team or homogenous group of college males, Sigma Chi houses the most diverse and put-together fraternity population at Yale. We defy all stereotypes, but you shouldn’t think that means we don’t know how to party. The brothers of Sigma Chi still show everyone a good time with parties that keep Lynwood Place up all night.

What we say

Mazel tov. Sigma Chi defies stereotypes. But the real question is: Who are they?

SAE

What they say:

Our parties and rush: From the first night of fall semester to the last Thursday late-night, this year’s freshman class will quickly learn that SAE throws more open parties than any other organization on campus. This year we’ll still throw the traditional parties like Natural Disasters, Sex on the Beach, and 1969, but we’ll offer some new themes as well for this fall’s rush. While we expect the parties to bring people out, it’s definitely the brothers they’ll meet that will keep them coming back.

The brothers: What sets SAE apart is that no two brothers are alike. Every brother offers something unique. We’ve got guys from N.Y. and D.C. but also from Kansas and Korea. For every few poli sci and econ majors, there’s a psychology or archaeology major. Nearly everyone has some affiliation with a different sport, either varsity or club. Yet despite these differences, we still enjoy the closest brotherhood on campus.

What we say:

Let’s be honest, SAE takes themselves a little too seriously. Though their membership base as well as their majors span all corners of the globe, their most revered brothers are Ralph (as in Lauren) and Polo (as in Sport) not to mention Country (as in Club). And yes, the themed fetes that SAE oh-so-generously throws each year are quite creative but they NEVER EVER change. You can always rely on these prepsters for consistently bad beer, consistently vomit-filled bathrooms, and an ever-accommodating yard that can fit nearly 100,000 people without a problem. I swear it’s been done. SAE is essentially that high school friend whose parents were always away. There’s always beer and there’s usually a party. The dudes are pretty cute too.

Beta

What they say:

Beta Theta Pi wants you to drink.

(Responsibly)

Boasting members from Yale’s rugby, crew, swim and diving teams, Beta is one of the more diverse fraternities at Yale. Known for its always-packed Friday late nights and for its ice-luge Avalanche theme party, people always want to know what’s going on next at Beta. For whatever reason you come to 36 Lynwood — the girls, the drinks, the experience — there are only two words you need to know: Good Times.

What we say:

I’ll give you two words Beta: Beer Pong. I’ll give you another two: Beer Gut. And yet two more: Beer Goggles. You can always find people who fit at least two of the three above “Beta criteria” making out on the worn-out Beta couch that is ever so strategically placed in the kitchen. Beta usually hosts a great many boisterous pong tournaments that are loads o’ responsible fun for the whole family. Bring the kids, Beta is the place to be!

Other fun fraternities hidden behind Yale’s ivy-covered walls include DKE and Sigma Nu. They were unavailable for comment, but hopefully we will be in touch with their people in the near future.

Yale has three sororities: Kappa Alpha Theta, Kappa Kappa Gamma and Pi Beta Phi. Although they are limited in number, sororities at Yale have a special place in their members’ hearts. Each is flexible with levels of commitment, and thus the extent of one’s involvement is the decision of each individual sister. Most women find sororities to be ideal havens to escape the hectic nature of everyday college life as they enjoy the strong bond of sisterhood. Sororities at Yale remain rather low-profile, as they are known more for their formal and semiformal events than their spur-of-the-moment Saturday night shindigs. Nevertheless, they attract a broad base of girls ranging from athletes to journalists to actresses. Rush takes place in both the fall and the spring. Go chicks.

–Yale Daily News