So you fancy yourself a student journalist, eh? Or perhaps a Canadian? Clearly you have some interest in ye olde art of publication. We’ll just assume that you want to write in some capacity. You just wrote those admissions essays, and we both know what a wild success those turned out to be.

So the question for you becomes: With which publication shall I ally my prosaic prowess? In your case, this question should possibly be rephrased: Me write? For paper? Oog. Let us present you with Rumpus, the nation’s oldest college tabloid.

Rumpus covers the world, if by “the world” you mean “Yale” and if by “covers” you mean “libels.” We are the heart and soul of Yale publications, lending the light of our inquiry to such topics as the paper-stock quality of various Yale publications and the registrar’s office’s distribution of drug-dealing paraphernalia. We’ve tackled topics ranging from oral sex’s absolute legality to Zoroastrianism. We do the hard stories.

What will you get out of life as a Rumpus staffer? Well, first of all, the undying admiration and respect of your peers (ha!). You will take pride in the fact that you work for Yale’s only humorous humor magazine. You will also get the sexual influence and, ultimately, frustration of helping to select our annual 50 Most Beautiful People. In fact, “influential” is the word that is most often used by Rumpus staffers to describe themselves. Others might disagree, but they suck.

Like to write? Write for us. Like to take compromising pictures? Take them for (or of) us. Like to use Pagemaker? You are strange, but do it for us anyway. Like to sell ads? We will get down on the ground and kiss your — feet. Even the little pinkie toes.

So if you’re looking for a publication experience that carries with it the lax schedule of a monthly, the camaraderie of a weekly, the font size of a daily, and more sexual innuendo that you can shake a well-hung stick at, then try us. You’ll like it.