50) Internet porn pop-up windows (so I’ve heard–).
49) When you walk into a bathroom that completely reeks, only to have someone come in directly after you who thinks that you’re the cause of it.
48) The expression: “It’s a small world!” Then why the hell does my flight home take five hours?
47) People who ask the professor a really complicated question in the last two minutes of class.
46) Cheese: 50 cents extra.
45) When you’re waiting for the light to change on a street corner, and the person next to you has bigger balls than you do and crosses. Then you’re left there feeling like a serious traffic pussy.
44) When you’re a senior, the question, “So what are you doing after you graduate?” (“Um, getting wasted.”)
43) “Evildoers” and other annoying Bushisms.
42) How 99 percent of the population still hasn’t realized that “I Will Always Love You” is a song about breaking up.
41) How the “Friends” ALWAYS get the couch.
40) People who say, “Winning isn’t everything.”
39) Serving size: 1/4 cup.
38) People who take the elevator to the second floor. (And we wonder why America has an obesity problem?)
37) Nelly Furtado. Be gone.
36) Vehicles that beep when they back up.
35) When people call Heinekens “heinies” — the same name my mother used to refer to our butts when my brother and I were little.
34) “No Cr/D/F.”
33) Couples that work out together.
32) The question, “Hot enough out there for ya?”
31) When you’re typing a paper and finally look up and realize that you accidentally hit the “caps lock” button, like, half a page ago.
30) IMs — of the AOL or Yale University variety.
29) When the vomit comes out of your nose.
28) Wrestling. When it comes down to it, it’s still just two sweaty men in spandex groping each other on a mat.
27) Those really thick advertisements and subscription squares in magazines that make it hard to turn the pages.
26) When guys sitting next to you believe that having external sex organs gives them license to spread their legs as wide as possible.
25) Anyone who’s ever used the expression “Turkey Day.”
24) The professors that already have reading assigned on the syllabus the first day of class, thus ensuring that you’re already behind before you even walk through the door.
23) Ani DiFranco. Now I know what’s on the soundtrack in hell.
22) The blue screen of death on your computer.
21) How you never get any ass the night you’ve shaved and cleaned your room.
20) The toothpaste speckles you make on the bathroom mirror when you brush your teeth.
19) How most of the time pressing the “door close” button in an elevator doesn’t actually make the doors close any faster.
18) People who take the elevator to the “fitness” center. (I mean, really, why do you even get out of bed?).
17) Conversations that start “To be honest with you–” Have you been lying all this time?
16) Connecticut Limo and their tendency to stop at 30 Holiday Inns on the way to the airport to pick up — absolutely no one.
15) How the word “esoteric” is esoteric.
14) Dog owners who insist on including them in the family portraits. Freaks.
13) The cool-down lap.
12) “This page cannot be displayed.”
11) The perpetual New Haven soundtrack of sirens and motorcycles.
10) Waking up drunk at 6:00 and not knowing whether it’s a.m. or p.m.
9) When you’re using the one-stall-only bathroom on your floor and somebody waits outside the stall for you to finish instead of going to another floor. If I wanted an audience, I’d use a litter box.
8) Michael Jordan’s comeback.
7) Non-alcoholic beverages.
6) When he has chest stubble.
5) When she has chest stubble.
4) Exes who remain friends.
3) Movie theater cell-phone calls that start, “Oh, nothing. — You?.”
2) Ms. Cleo commercials and her cheap Jamaican accent, mon.
1) People who make lists in order to avoid writing real columns.
Noelle Hancock is a senior in Saybrook College. Feel free to make the sign of the cross.