Bulldog Days is coming up, and I keep hearing about it being the sex festival of the year. Is this true? Where do I sign up?
-PrussyFrosh
Bulldog Days! I never got one of those. While I am still a little envious, I ended up finding my niche at Yale without it: giving raunchy advice to a group of 18- to 22-year-old horndogs. It’s a noble pursuit. That being said, I’ve been hearing a lot of questions about hooking up as a newly admitted student. I agree, it can be daunting, but with the right mindset you can be the sexpert of your dreams. I’m going to give it a go and answer all possible questions: Here is the who, what, where, when, why and how of becoming a Banging Bulldog.
Who:
Bulldog Days is a multiple day event, which means there’s massive potential for a range of partners. Personally, I’m always an advocate for ambitious pursuits: screw everyone you see. However, there is no shame if you align with the monogamist side of things. When searching for partners, try and limit yourself to people in your own class. It is really, really weird otherwise. And, for the love of God, do not hook up with your host. That is setting yourself up for an awkward stay — although, a great story. One thing you should know: At Yale, sex is a vehicle for ascending the social ladder. It may sound a little alarming, but that’s life. Consider discussing career goals, extracurriculars and parental tax brackets. You always want to make informed decisions; the best way to do this is being transparent with your wants and needs.
What (on):
As an incoming student, you will not be provided a bed. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a couch or a futon, and if you’re not, be prepared for the cold, hard wooden floor. This is a definite barrier in your journey to pound town, but it also encourages an abundance of creativity. Consider using chairs, desks, tables, counters, pianos or the Benjamin Franklin statue. The great outdoors can also be your friend; when there’s a bush, there’s a way. When all else fails, you can invest in a two-person sleeping bag. My recommendations are TETON Sports’ “Mammoth Queen” and L.L. Bean’s “Double Adventure.” The names say it all.
Where:
The “what” brings us to the “where.” While it may seem tempting, you should not hook up in your host’s room. I’m not only saying this because a couple of you will be staying with me this time around — although it is a dominant factor. This is a surefire way to get caught. A host’s job is to ensure a fun and uplifting atmosphere. This requires frequent check-ins. You get the idea? Instead, get a headstart on your Yale Bucket List and try sex in the stackxxx, a practice room, or a shower. Use that innovation that got you here.
When:
Timing is everything. While it may be exciting to see all the programming during Bulldog Days, scheduled events offer an optimal period for banging. If you can’t hold a tune, dip out of the acapella showcase early. If you’re a Sigma Nu triple legacy, no need to go to the extracurricular bazaar. If you’re wondering why you’re being forced to listen to a dean that won’t even be here next year, take that as a cue. Ultimately, all judgment is yours. If you decidedly can’t miss a single moment of the action, there’s a sweet spot in the late night or early morning from 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. where the most ambitious have gone to bed and the rowers aren’t up yet. Use that time wisely.
Why:
These three days are for you to explore all aspects of Yale, whether it be the courses, clubs or culture of boning. You’re likely traveling long and far to get a comprehensive peek at what’s to come. Experimenting with sexuality will not only help with deciding if Yale is the right place for you, but it also serves as a medium for personal growth. You want the full experience, so why not get filled with experience?
How:
Whatever you do, please do it safely. There is protection in all the laundry rooms. This event is for curating the class of 2026, not creating the class of 2045. Remember, Yale Health covers abortions but not child care.
Happy boinking!