If you’re not on my Gcal, it’s not going to happen

You aren't working your way into this Gcal, bitch.

You, yes you! I haven’t seen you in ages. At least since freshman year, when we got lost together on the way to our first lecture, or was it during Camp Yale? (Wait, were you my suitemate?) Anyway, those were good times. Where have you been? What’s the deal with that? We should get a meal sometime and catch up.

On Mondays, I’m near Silliman, we could meet up around 12:30 p.m. and just stand in line for a while. Or, we could go across the street and grab something from Slifka, though that might be hard; I was banned from there after downing a third bottle of red wine at Shabbat dinner. Wait, I know, let’s go to TD! I’m kidding of course, like that would happen.

But still, I love hanging out with you — at least I think I do. Were you the one who stole the chalk from our English professor in seminar? That was hilarious. Wait, that wasn’t you? I swear it was. No, you’re right, that was James. (I love James! I should really check up on James.)

But really, we should grab a meal sometime. Dinner? I’m free every other Thursday night, except the next three when I’m having rush meals for my chemistry study group. Next Monday, I’m free between 5:45 p.m. and 6:15 p.m., but only to eat in Morse and Stiles. Oh, but you couldn’t get in, could you? Or I could make Wednesdays work for lunch, but only if we sit at the Chinese Table and recite the dialogues I prepped to impress my professor.

Wait, didn’t you spend your summer in China? This is perfect! Oh, you were where? Sorry, Instagrammed Facebook photos of food look the same no matter the country. Could you pretend to speak Chinese? I really want to get the Light Fellowship. Okay, now, don’t be that critical.

We still have to find a time to grab a meal then! If you’re willing to climb up Science Hill, we can use both our swipes to split half a flatbread at the KBT Café for lunch on Tuesday. You could come to the farm next Friday for pizza with my FOOT group (though one of us just broke up with her boyfriend and gave up gluten, so that will be a little glum). Or, if that doesn’t work, let’s get GHeav at 2:00 a.m. next Saturday, after I get back from Toad’s with my former FroCo group.

Oh, I forgot that you dated one of us. That would be awkward. You sure you couldn’t make it work? Really, that bad? And it started at Toad’s! I guess that relationship was doomed from the start. No offense.

Wednesday? No, I can’t do Wednesday. I have three midterms on Wednesday. I can’t do Tuesday night either — I’ll be studying then. Thursday doesn’t work either, I’ll just be complaining about Tuesday and Wednesday.

You know what, let’s invite Jerry too! You know Jerry, right? Don’t you do a cappella together? You don’t sing? I thought you sang. You always seemed like the singing type. I can’t describe it, like, you always seemed like you were humming something under your breath or you were always coming back from “tour” (whatever that means). That’s not you, really? Are you sure?

Whatever, we should get a meal sometime so you can tell me what you do. You must do something. Everybody does something. If you don’t sing, then you dance, or do improv, or write for something. Did you do DS? Perspectives? Are you one of those people who love to hiss at even the least charged statements at YPU debates? Who are you?

Well, whoever you are, you’re making it hard for me to schedule you. I really do want to get to know you — why are you never free? You know what, I’ll put a reminder on my Gcal. I’ll email you, I’ll make it happen. I promise.

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