Apple store dreamin’

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Goodbye Connecticut Hall, hello Yale University Properties’ newest computer cluster: the Apple Store, which people keep insisting is completely waterproof. No umbrella? No problem. You can imagine how I felt like a little Cortes when, with rainy eyes, I stumbled into this symphonic cage of dry steel and silver.

I’d go as far to say that this is the only place on campus where you can really mingle. For one, you don’t need an ID to swipe in so anyone looking to go on a date or have a good time can come hang out. This one girl that I almost complimented on her shirt brought her dog! People talk on their cellphones and it’s super not a thing because if you don’t have one or want to disguise your voice on calls there’s a ton you can borrow which I LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Also, the Apple Store has all the background ambient noise of Blue State without the bummer of prog rock jams. That said, if you want to chill out and just listen to music you can totally do that too. The sleek wall of complimentary iPods feature albums from the Barenaked Ladies, Sarah McLachlan and Sergio Mendes. And if you were looking for a good place to revisit “Call and Response: Maroon 5 the Remix Album” look no further. And if the YCC still hasn’t responded to your request to install a variety of six-and-under games on all campus computers, there’s an Apple store for that — Dora’s Big Birthday Adventure is so worth it. (Protip: Don’t touch the sea-snake!)

But here’s the best part: you don’t need to worry about competing for one of two Connecticut Hall Macs. Call me paranoid but I’m almost done counting and there are somewhere between five and zero Dells in here.

Okay. But what about the people?

Here’s the deal: At the Apple Store, all the assholes are forced to sit at the back. How it works is that if you’re a genuis (jerk), you have to walk to the back of the store and leave other people alone. From what I gather, discourse at the Genius Bar generally oscillates 30/70 between asking 20 Questions (the dumb version where only yes/no questions count) and The Movie Game. Also I saw a dude get his computer fixed during happy hour and it looked like magic.

So, as I’ve stood here for the last five hours, slightly crouched over this short table, pecking at this iPad’s tiny animated keys, it feels just like I’m at my standing-desk (“two reasons: higher calorie burn and better posture”) at home. The rain’s stopped and an employee asks if I need help with anything. Through the warmth and fluorescence, I begin to make out the words on his hat — “Think Differently” — and for the first time in my life, I know what that means.

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