Tag Archive: dating

  1. The Blindest Date: The Women's Takes

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    She Says

    Looking at Sophia’s biography, I figured we’d have a good date. I was more right than I’d expected. Meeting up at Miya’s, we covered the core Yale Questions (Major? Year? Residential college?) and then started into the real conversation. We quickly realized we had as even more in common than our scarily similar biographies suggested. We both loved “Doctor Who,” adored the same fantasy series from high school, and held the same rage over the cancellation of “Firefly.” We swapped recommendations for podcasts and webcomics and gushed over Hayao Miyazaki’s movies. We also share the same passion about social justice in the developing world, with Sophia planning to go to Thailand to work on waterway preservation and me applying for a semester in Mongolia studying economic development and social change. We jokingly wondered if the News contest was rigged.

    The conversation flowed easily as we snacked our way through the sushi. Finding myself rambling enthusiastically about Chinese philosophy and my favorite fictional characters, I stopped and mumbled, “Sorry, I’m a little nerdy about this stuff.” She smiled and said it was fine, and I felt myself become a little less self-conscious. We stole each other’s sushi and chatted about the unusual flavors, although we decided to keep my delicate Midwestern palate away from her pepper-laced nine-spice sashimi.

    At the end of our date, as we both walked to WLH, I reflected that the restaurant had been an excellent fit for the company. The conversation had been even more fun than the menu (and a menu with items such as “Kiss the Smiling Piggie” is pretty hard to top), and I admired Sophia’s and Miya’s passion for making the world a better place. When we got to the spot where our routes separated, we hugged and planned when we’d next meet. Especially as a recently out bi girl, I was more than a little nervous about the date, but I’m pretty sure I was grinning by the time we went our separate ways.

    Contact Kelsey larson at kelsey.larson@yale.edu .

     

    She Says:

    I’ll be honest: I entered this competition without really thinking about it, on the off chance that I might get a free meal and meet someone cool. But when I read Kelsey’s profile I really hoped that we would win, because I thought she sounded awesome. I thought right. Talking to her was the most fun I’ve had in a while. We talked about everything from Doctor Who to Chinese philosophy to the threat of widespread single-ness to Japanese cultural self-concept (I’m not kidding). On a somewhat unrelated note, I learned that I make a ridiculous face when I try to take selfies.

    The food aspect was also great. We went to Miya’s Sushi, a place I’ve always loved on the rare occasions that I had the chance to eat it. It was my first time having a proper meal there, though I did eat a few late-night specials my freshman year, and it was Kelsey’s first time ever, so going over the menu was quite an adventure. They have the most creative role selection I’ve ever seen — the “best crunchy roll ever,” for example, had gormeh sabzi, which is the last thing I would think to put on sushi. (If you don’t know what that is, I highly recommend eating at a Persian restaurant in the near future. Or far future, since there aren’t any Persian restaurants in New Haven. I think.) I was, in fact, so unfamiliar with Miya’s Sushi that I accidentally went to Sushi Mizu first. I made two fundamental first date faux pas by showing up late and leaving much earlier than I would have wanted to, but Kelsey was nice about it. I really enjoyed meeting her and I look forward to getting to know her better in the future, and I’m so glad the News (and its voters!) gave me that chance.

    In the end, I got exactly what I wanted, a free meal with someone cool. But I didn’t expect just how cool she would turn out to be.

    Sophia requested that WEEKEND not print her last name.

  2. The Blindest Date: The Men's Takes

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    He Says

    Darien and I, both finely suited up, met at the Pierson College gates at 8:45 p.m. and immediately got engaged into funny and fluid conversation about midterms, art history and photojournalism. We chose Kamal’s as our restaurant of choice because neither of us had gone there before — and what an excellent venue it was! Though there was a small party of about four sitting in the restaurant when we entered, they eventually left Darien and me alone for a rich conversation over dinner that lasted almost two hours. It took a while for us to even order our food because we couldn’t stop exchanging family stories and pride for our home states (which for him was Texas and, me, California). I ordered some spicy chicken saag that was magical, to say the least, and he ordered a sample platter. I didn’t feel that was much to take advantage of since the Yale Daily News was reimbursing us for eating out, so I got an extra order of naan bread in case he became hungrier later.

    Though Darien and I had met cursorily in BIOL 103 section last year, we hadn’t gotten to know each other outside the context of classes. In sharing narratives about love for family and the excitement in meeting people different from us to Olympic hockey and responsibilities of an oldest child (which we both are), we humanized each other last night.

    Laughter saturated Kamal and I couldn’t stop smiling. I’m thankful for what the Yale Daily News did for us because I truly enjoyed myself on the date and felt like I really got to know Darien without forcing myself to be outwardly flirtatious or socially amicable. In today’s society where technology can both bring people together and distance them further, I don’t particularly like how sometimes people my age meet someone new and start texting but have to invest immense, cold calculation and formulation behind their nascent relationship — to text or not to text today, to wait, to play hard to get, to use Emojis or not, is a winky face too forward right now. Simply do what you feel and feel what you do.

    I didn’t have to try on my blind date with Darien. I just did. And quite frankly and I think that’s how most dates — if not most human interactions — should be.

    Contact Hung Pham at hung.pham@yale.edu .

     

    He Says

    After my suitemate checked over the outfit I had chosen — not sloppily casual, yet not stiffly formal, as my dress must say “I effortlessly look suave” — I meandered my way towards the Pierson gate, just a couple minutes early — early enough to seem responsibly punctual but not so early that I look desperate.

    First dates are hard.

    When Hung came out, there was the briefly awkward moment where I had to figure out if he was going for the hug or the handshake, but the moment passed quickly with a couple firm pats on the back. Confession: Hung and I had bio section together last year, and we’re Facebook-friend-acquaintances, so he’s not a stranger.

    Still, there’s a lot that I didn’t know about him, and during our stroll to the restaurant — Kamal’s, which neither of us had been to — he filled me in on his photojournalism class, his seminar with Dean Mary Miller, his passion for art.

    Dinner was a delicious affair, and I ache with regret at having eaten at Chemistry Club’s professor dinner night before coming. Our conversation wandered organically, weaving between our families’ immigrant stories, my “Molecules and Radiation” class, his work as an EMT, our suitemates and mutual acquaintances. He’s a great conversationalist, an active listener who asked engaging questions, who colored in our exchange with hues and shades of his pretty incredible life experiences.

    Though I wasn’t keeping track of the (too-swift) passage of time, from the corner of my eye I saw and recognized the agitated movements of the wait staff — we were the only patrons left in the restaurant, and reluctantly I suggested that we finish up soon. Hung had been impeccably polite the entire night to the staff, and our departure was no exception; we wrapped up and headed back out into the cold.

    Our light discussion about Asian foods and our particular food preferences grinded to a halt when it came time to part ways, us standing on the street between our respective colleges, and because I’m an awkward fool who is absolutely horrendous at goodbyes, all I know is that I ended up babbling something incoherent and indecipherable. We shook hands — in retrospect, I’m wondering how many first dates end with handshakes — and I crossed the street back towards Branford, with a silly little grin on my face.

    Contact Darien Lee at darien.lee@yale.edu .

     

  3. WEEKEND PLAYS CUPID: The Blindest Date

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    This year, WEEKEND received a record number of applications (or at least we think so — we’re not good with numbers)  for our Valentine’s Day Blindest Date contest. There were many qualified candidates for very few — 20! —  available spots. Without further ado, we present a set of guys and gals for your judging. They are charming, witty, potato-loving! At the end of our online voting session, the top Bachelor and Bachelorette will be paired together in a rendezvouz for the ages. Get yo’ love guru on. 

     

    The Gals

    Bachelorette #1

    Major: I’m an architecture major, but I’m not artsy. Or hipster.

    Interests: I enjoy running, reading, drawing and cooking – and by cooking I mean eating (especially trying new restaurants).

    Hidden Talent(s): Unfortunately, I don’t have any hidden talents, but I’m pretty competent at the oboe and organizing plans. Oh! I also love traveling and will go anywhere on a whim, so I suppose I’m spontaneous.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: My spirit animal would probably be a polar bear because they’re aggressive fighters and gentle lovers.

    Looking for: I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. If I could condense it to one statement: Natalie Portman in male form. Obviously someone who would make me laugh and bring snacks and coffee to the arch studio at three am would be ideal.

     

    Bachelorette #2

    Major: Happiness

    Interests: Night runs; blowing soap bubbles; dancing in heels; going on adventures with Hercule Poirot.

    Hidden Talent(s): Predicting relationships before they happen; reciting Friends dialogues verbatim; doing that thing with your tongue where it looks like a clover; cooking minute mac & cheese in 57 seconds (bam!)

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Emma Stone

    Looking for: Someone who can microwave popcorn without burning it; can convince my suitemates to let me adopt a lab; will wear a bowtie; can decipher what Sean Paul is saying in “Temperature” because let’s face it, that man is utterly incomprehensible.

     

    Bachelorette #3

    Major: Psychology so I can basically learn to read people’s minds.

    Interests: Eating the chocolate brownie pudding dessert thing from the dining hall with ice cream, procrastinating on anything and everything, watching How I Met Your Mother and admittedly, the Bachelor, getting annoyed when people mistake cross-country skiing for downhill, and listening to One Direction, which is what I’m during currently.

    Hidden Talent(s): Being able to hold my breath for a grand total of 47 seconds, making things awkward for myself and running kind of fast.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Diego from “Ice Age,” because he’s sassy.

    Looking for: Someone who is really, really ridiculously good looking, thinks I’m funny, eats as much ice cream as me, can deal with my sarcasm and loves cats. The loving cats qualification is probably the most important. Meow.

     

    Bachelorette #4

    Major: idk

    Interests: eating dancing singing potatoes

    Hidden Talent(s): N/A

    Celebrity spirit animal: Scrat from “Ice Age.”

    Looking for: potatoes

     

    Bachelorette #5

    Major: Get back to me in a year

    Interests: Eating bagels, listening to Australian radio, talking about people, making puns, taking really long showers

    Hidden Talent(s): All my talents are pretty overt

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Chris Lilley

    Looking for: Someone who can still understand me when I’m at a party and the music is loud (or just moderately loud. or no music. its the accent). Or really just anything with a heartbeat, lets be honest.

     

    Bachelorette #6

    Major:  I’m an Anthropology and Biology (intensive) double major, so basically I’m a super nerd.

    Interests: I’m interested in evolutionary medicine, and hiking, and camping, and hanging with friends, and drinking (woooo 21!), and turning all activities into nude activities.

    Hidden Talent(s): I’m not very good at hiding anything, so I wouldn’t say any of my talents are hidden, but I’m super awesome at finding people apartments (which I do to avoid thinking about finding myself an apartment).

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Ellen Page

    Looking for: Someone to join me for a free meal I guess.  I guess that somebody cool would be cool too.

     

    Bachelorette #7

    Major: Architecture

    Interests: Cycling, froyo, building and designing sets, froyo, my bike, architecture, froyo—and I’d like to let everyone know Amy made me do this.

    Hidden Talent(s): German Pictionary (somehow I’m better at illustrating words in German).

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Jennifer Lawrence? Or is this supposed to be an animal that is a celebrity? The Taco Bell Dog?

    Looking for: That they know how and when to not give a fuck (I’m still figuring that out).

     

    Bachelorette #8

    Major: English 

    Interests: I’m a human of the female variety. By that I mean I’m a girl. I have a tendency, which some people find annoying but which you (significant other) might find endearing, of clarifying myself constantly. Some things I like are koalas, the Yankees, ice-skating, my three dogs and two younger brothers, and World War II history.

    Hidden Talent(s): I am secretly good at sailing and spiraling a football. I am also good at Pictionary and I love camping.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: I have no celebrity spirit animal.

    Looking for: Someone who is honest and direct at all times, funny most of the time and who will accompany me on snowy adventures. He also must enjoy looking at paintings (not all kinds of paintings, but some paintings) and talking about them.

     

    Bachelorette #9

    Major: Economics and Theatre Studies

    Interests: I love to sing, dance, horseback ride, hike, run, color, travel, zip-line, and eat. Oh and I love stories.

    Hidden Talent(s): I can lick my elbow, stand on top of my toes, and have a twisted vertebra in my back!

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: My celebrity spirit animal would probably be a mix of Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel if you can imagine that…a bit of smart class with a whole lot of quirk.

    Looking for: I guess I just want someone who’s obsessed with all music, and love to just try everything. Optimism is essential because I think that anything is possible, and I want someone who encourages that mindset not someone who will shoot me down. However I need someone comfortable in their own skin with their own opinion… I have to be with someone who’s interesting and curious about the simplest things.

     

    Bachelorette #10

    Major: English and Economics

    Interests: My favorite books are Anna Karenina, The Great Gatsby, and Lady Chatterley’s Lover. My favorite movies are Romeo and Juliet (1996), Cruel Intentions, and American Psycho.

    Hidden Talent(s): My hidden talent is snowboarding (you probably wouldn’t guess that looking at me hehe).

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Nemo is probably my celebrity spirit animal; I’m a pretty curious individual and a bit of a thrill seeker!

    Looking for: I’d say that I am interested in someone with a big heart and a happy disposition. I’m looking for someone that knows what he wants with his life…if he can quote literature, that’s a plus!

    The Guys

    Bachelor #1

    Major: How would you define a biology major who also believes in divine creation?

    Interests: What would you say about someone who has as much fun baking cookies as he does doing competitive online Pokemon battling?

    Hidden Talent(s): Does reciting an entire book of Jack Prelutsky poems from memory qualify as a talent?

    Looking for: Would it be so wrong for a self-designated Idris Elba to ask for a woman with a robust sense of humor and a love of NBC mockumentaries?  Or that she be willing to watch me sample every flavor at Ashley’s before getting a waffle cone with two scoops of Butter Crunch once a week for the rest of my life?  Am I just looking for someone to answer all my questions?

     

    Bachelor #2

    Major: Economics

    Interests: I like football. I play football. Sleeping and scratching my body.

    Hidden Talent(s): Pastry chef since age 15.

    Looking for: When it comes to dating, I look for women who are athletic, down-to-earth and smaller than me. That’s it. And somebody who can scratch me. In fact, even writing this is really hard because I have to scratch myself for five minutes after every word. So this is 150 words x 5 minutes per word = 150 x 5 = 150150150150150 minutes. Anyways, I will close with this short rhyme:

    Psych.

    I ain’t gonna rhyme.

     

    Bachelor #3

    Major: Economics

    Interests: Despite being a natural at rowing, he is a true gentleman, and it has been said that [Bachelor #3]’s wit makes lesser men tremble. He’s currently on the varsity crew team and on the Canadian national team at home. He likes to think of himself as an outgoing individual who loves to please other people. He would love to take you on a nice quiet walk or chat with you over a candlelit dinner.

    Hidden Talent(s): Unfortunately, his hidden talents will remain a secret.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Seabiscuit, because of his determination to achieve.

    Looking for: His ideal woman would be one who is athletic, outgoing and likes to have fun but who also wouldn’t mind spending a romantic night at home.

     

    Bachelor #4

    Major: Engineering

    Interests: Cycling, music, robotics, traveling

    Hidden Talent(s): I can drive stick shift, Greek dancing

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: John Stamos

    Looking for: Someone easy to talk to, fun, genuine. And someone who can tolerate my love for bad puns.

     

    Bachelor #5

    Major: Mathematics

    Interests: Nature, piano, basketball, wakeboarding (back in the day)

    Hidden Talent(s): I can wiggle my ears and hair at the same time. Also, I’m really good at certain video games.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Billy Crudup

    Looking for: Hopefully a human being. After that, it’s pretty much gravy, but someone who listens well would be nice.

     

    Bachelor #6

    Major: Cognitive science with a concentration on decision-making and morality

    Interests: I am a man. I have the potential to grow a  beard, but rarely do. I see myself going into something creative and entrepreneurial — likely a vegan restaurant or bakery. I am a man. Or maybe I’ll go into radio journalism.

    Hidden Talent(s): I am a man. I can juggle apples and eat one of them at the same time. I can also make a pun out of anything. How you like dem apples? I look forward to eating your (vegan friendly) food.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Baloo from the Jungle Book.

    Looking for: I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh and who I can be totally at ease with. Preferably someone who likes folk and jazz music; if they can sing, all the better.

     

    Bachelor #7

    Major: Lazer

    Interests: Pinteresting, scrapbooking, race walking

    Hidden Talent(s): I am like a tiger.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Mike Tyson

    Looking for: ~//~*L0V3*~//~

     

    Bachelor #8

    Major: Astronomy and physics

    Interests: Dancing (with the Yale Ballet Company and Sabrosura), Gogol, helping others, and star-gazing (duh 🙂 )

    Hidden Talent(s): 8+ years of playing acoustic and electric guitar leads to an occasional serenade 🙂

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: None other than my most passionate man crush — Ryan Gosling!

    Looking for: A down-to-earth personality not averse to a romantic relationship and affection, open-mindedness, a sense of humor and honesty.

     

    Bachelor #9

    Major: Philosophy

    Interests: Music, theater, musical theater, the Art Gallery, critical thought, spirited argument, witty repartee, tea, comparative mythology, archetypal quest stories

    Hidden Talent(s): Playing songs by ear, voice acting/ vocal impressions, really good at remembering names

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Mark Hamill

    Looking for: Someone to share the view at the top of the world (or at least the top of East Rock) with, and to have a deep conversation with during the climb.

     

    Bachelor #10

    Major: Economics

    Interests: Urban development … but like taking classes from a variety of disciplines like philosophy and political science.

    Hidden Talent(s): I was going to say cooking … but I think it is more like eating! I guess it is not a talent per say, but I love eating food, eating food with people, sharing food with people, making food with people.

    Celebrity Spirit Animal: Tom Hanks. I have been told that my spirit animal in general is either a St. Bernard or St. Bernese Mountain Dog.

    Looking for: I am looking for someone who is introspective yet outgoing, someone who will challenge me yet be able to compromise and someone who is dependable and independent.

     

    Clarification: Feb. 14

    A previous version of this article incorrectly stated the response to the “Looking for” section of Bachelorette #10’s profile.

  4. Vivacious Virgo Seeking a Good Time. With Myself.

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    It was Friday night around 9 p.m., and I was walking around campus by myself. I do this all of the time. And no, I’m not wallowing in self-pity or lonely. I’m just deep in thought about what my perfect life would look like while kind of wanting a cigarette, but trying to convince myself why that would be a bad idea. My perfect life is warmer or colder (depending on the current season) and involves being able to dance however I want to in clubs without strange men grabbing my body or cornering me demanding my name (it’d been a rough Thursday night). I would be prettier, thinner and have more fabulous clothing. I would make my own money, own a dog named after a “South Park” or “Archer” character. I would go backpacking all of the time because look how in tune with nature, athletic and low-maintenance I am. Basically, I would be as perfect as I could be without getting plastic surgery because JUDGEMENT you should really just love yourself, amirite?

    That night, I had an epiphany in Beinecke Plaza, as everyone should. “I am not perfect, I will never be perfect.” There, I said it. The thought echoed against the marble edifices. A flock of pigeons may or may not have flown away in the background. Okay, I’ve had this realization before, but it never came with this particular sick idea: I feel like I have to be a different person for me to like me. Pretty much every teenager in the history of teenagerdom has thought, “I have to be another person for another human to like this despicable ball of hormones and hair, WAH.” I’ve made progress with that, still not completely there, but that’s a subject for another View. I’ve even gotten to the place where I love myself, i.e., I want the best for myself and would never intentionally cause myself harm. I just haven’t had that moment where I look in the mirror and pull out a Colin Firth line: “I like you, just the way you are.” I have this idea in my head that if I don’t like me, I will constantly try to be better and do better. You know, displeasure as a motivator. Looking at it now, it sounds like I’m trying to house-train a puppy, except I forget the part where I give myself fake bacon for not going potty on the carpet. So I decided to take myself on a date. I decided to give myself a treat. TREAT MYSELF.

    I took myself to the Yale Bookstore, perused the bookshelves before finally deciding on Mindy Kahling’s “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)” and a bag of kettle corn. I spent the night reading for pleasure, which was very thoughtful because I know I enjoy reading for pleasure. It wasn’t the best first date, it wasn’t the most romantic, and I didn’t make a huge effort or anything, but I enjoyed it. Tomorrow, I think I might take me out again for gluten-free pizza and some movie about sociopaths staring Matthew Goode. This might be the honeymoon period, but I’m starting to dig me, you know? When I laugh at my own jokes, it’s so freaking adorable.

    I know I should love myself, and I’m beginning to learn how to be kind to myself, compassionate with myself. I don’t have to be the model of virtue to have integrity, honor and courage, whatever. I’m going to be a hypocrite. I’m going to change my mind. I’m going to gossip. I’m going to arbitrarily hate absolute strangers to make myself feel better. I’m going to do the wrong thing. I am human. Being imperfect and being okay with it will (hopefully) not make me a slacker, or apathetic, or a bad person. It will (hopefully) just make me happier. I am starting to see me with myself for the rest of my life.

  5. Vivacious Virgo Seeking a Good Time. With Myself.

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    It was Friday night around 9 p.m., and I was walking around campus by myself. I do this all of the time. And no, I’m not wallowing in self-pity or lonely. I’m just deep in thought about what my perfect life would look like while kind of wanting a cigarette, but trying to convince myself why that would be a bad idea. My perfect life is warmer or colder (depending on the current season) and involves being able to dance however I want to in clubs without strange men grabbing my body or cornering me demanding my name (it’d been a rough Thursday night). I would be prettier, thinner and have more fabulous clothing. I would make my own money, own a dog named after a “South Park” or “Archer” character. I would go backpacking all of the time because look how in tune with nature, athletic and low-maintenance I am. Basically, I would be as perfect as I could be without getting plastic surgery because JUDGEMENT you should really just love yourself, amirite?
    That night, I had an epiphany in Beinecke Plaza, as everyone should. “I am not perfect, I will never be perfect.” There, I said it. The thought echoed against the marble edifices. A flock of pigeons may or may not have flown away in the background. Okay, I’ve had this realization before, but it never came with this particular sick idea: I feel like I have to be a different person for me to like me. Pretty much every teenager in the history of teenagerdom has thought, “I have to be another person for another human to like this despicable ball of hormones and hair, WAH.” I’ve made progress with that, still not completely there, but that’s a subject for another View. I’ve even gotten to the place where I love myself, i.e., I want the best for myself and would never intentionally cause myself harm. I just haven’t had that moment where I look in the mirror and pull out a Colin Firth line: “I like you, just the way you are.” I have this idea in my head that if I don’t like me, I will constantly try to be better and do better. You know, displeasure as a motivator. Looking at it now, it sounds like I’m trying to house-train a puppy, except I forget the part where I give myself fake bacon for not going potty on the carpet. So I decided to take myself on a date. I decided to give myself a treat. TREAT MYSELF.
    I took myself to the Yale Bookstore, perused the bookshelves before finally deciding on Mindy Kahling’s “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)” and a bag of kettle corn. I spent the night reading for pleasure, which was very thoughtful because I know I enjoy reading for pleasure. It wasn’t the best first date, it wasn’t the most romantic, and I didn’t make a huge effort or anything, but I enjoyed it. Tomorrow, I think I might take me out again for gluten-free pizza and some movie about sociopaths staring Matthew Goode. This might be the honeymoon period, but I’m starting to dig me, you know? When I laugh at my own jokes, it’s so freaking adorable.
    I know I should love myself, and I’m beginning to learn how to be kind to myself, compassionate with myself. I don’t have to be the model of virtue to have integrity, honor and courage, whatever. I’m going to be a hypocrite. I’m going to change my mind. I’m going to gossip. I’m going to arbitrarily hate absolute strangers to make myself feel better. I’m going to do the wrong thing. I am human. Being imperfect and being okay with it will (hopefully) not make me a slacker, or apathetic, or a bad person. It will (hopefully) just make me happier. I am starting to see me with myself for the rest of my life.

  6. NOT D FOR T(INDER)

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    Following in the footsteps of the illustrious Maria Yagoda ’12, Aisha Matthews ’13 is going to be WEEKEND’s new romance and sex columnist. Look out for her work on the WKND BLOG — it’ll be on a screen near you soon!

    So, as a social experiment, I joined Tinder for 48 hours. From what I’ve heard, it’s taken Yale by storm, mesmerizing our iPhone-wielding population and even inspiring DKE to throw a couple of Tinder mixers. I had to get the scoop. And given that I’m taken, I had nothing to gain and nothing to lose. This is what I found…

    When Tinder was first described to me, I imagined it as a portable dating service. Like some of the ill-fated classic dating sites that I admittedly perused in high school, I thought that it would be a place where lazy singles gathered to lie about their skills and interests and subtly hint at a casual hookup. The only twist that I imagined was that Tinder brings the art of lying about one’s intentions into the mobile world: i.e., lie while you work, eat, wait in line for the bathroom. But upon joining Tinder, I’ve discovered that it’s much better than that — or worse, really.

    Unlike the millennial dating sites, which require one to carefully craft one’s persona, Facebook-style and define one’s status and expectations, Tinder has no such prerequisites. After resignedly accepting that Tinder will link to your Facebook and silently praying that they won’t post it to everyone you know, you realize that the app is incredibly simplistic in nature. With the exception of your sexual preference (male or female), scouting radius and a few photo options, Tinder pretty much cuts out the bullshit of pretending to care about someone’s inner self. After registering, Tinder users can flip through potential singles, or maybe not-so singles, within a desired radius and either “like” or “nope” them, the former of the actions immediately starting a chat window if this someone has also liked you.

    What’s so strange about the activity is how addictive it is. I’m sure we’ve all had a time when we wished that eligible suitors could be presented to us “Bachelor” style, with the option of accepting or rejecting them based solely on physical characteristics. And, even more so, I’m sure we’ve all wished for an instant way of knowing whether the guy talking to us at the bar is really interested in us or, instead, one of our friends. Well, Tinder’s heeding the call. And even more importantly than taking the guesswork out of meeting strangers, Tinder has given us a less creepy way of looking for casual sex. After scrolling through a mountain of “nopes” and making a few likes based solely on appearance, I was able to chat with a few of the “men of Tinder” in my instantly organized chats. While two guys pretended to be interested in where I’m from and where I go to school, one brazen dude just cut straight to the chase and told me, “You’re hot. … We should definitely meet up sometime.”

    Without so much as a “What things do you like?” or “What do you do for fun?”, Tinder pretty much encourages single 20-somethings to make contact with no demonstrated compatibility aside from the desire for anonymous sex. In general, aside from the “mutual friends” and “shared interests” features, the app gives you no way of knowing what the person on the other end is all about.

    While the overall idea of giving like-minded people a means of getting together isn’t a bad one, I hardly feel that Tinder can be considered a dating app. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but nothing about Tinder screams, “let’s start a long-term relationship” to me. And what’s worse is that whereas people might be shy about meeting up with a person they’ve met online in real life, Tinder somehow alleviates that skepticism. Suddenly, you feel as though your “match” must be a safe individual to talk to, because … what? They have a Facebook? Hardly the criteria we’d accept under any other circumstances.

    As one of the lucky few to have spent my college years in a happy relationship, I know it’s easy for me to talk. I go on dates and get to cuddle at the end of the night and don’t have to play the game of hoping to get lucky every Wednesday through Saturday. I haven’t pulled a “15-minute Toad’s” or a G-Heav one-night stand because I haven’t had to. But I’m realizing that Tinder reflects the acceptance of a change in our dating culture that is, in my opinion, for the worst. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with casual flings or dance-floor makeouts, particularly if they help you learn something about yourself, but this Tinder culture suggests that we’ve lowered our standards. While we may accept that guys aren’t going to buy us flowers for a first date or that girls often shut guys down when they try to buy them a drink, there’s a huge difference between finding new people in new places for casual encounters, and picking through a list of random faces looking for our next “kill.”

    In college, none of this seems harmful. If every college student spent all of the hours they spend out looking for action on studying, we might be in a second Renaissance by now. Cutting down the time and the costs associated with finding new romantic interests is every college kid’s dream. But what happens to us when we’re 30? When we’re all still single and socially incapable of forming meaningful relationships. Or worse, when we decide that we want to settle down and realize that our culture no longer values or promotes monogamy, but instead shies away from seriousness. The changes we’re seeing represent a move away from a society that values commitment, at least throughout our 20s.

    And maybe that’s fine too. But instead of talking about it, we seem to be ignoring the signs. We’re not placing value on virginity or faithfulness or respect. Tinder, despite using your Facebook information, does not utilize your relationship status. We’re indulging in a culture that facilitates cheating, or, at the very least, a very serious lack of transparency. Anonymity is great. A lack of it is part of what makes dating sites so scary. People constantly fear being discovered by their friends or co-workers because we see it as lame to be looking for love online. But, on the other hand, when we make the decision to sleep with someone random, it’s usually after a fun night out, or because of a mutual friend. We know something about this person’s interests, personality and the likelihood of them turning out to be a serial killer. Eliminating that step is not only less fun, but more dangerous, both figuratively and literally. Beyond the physical dangers, both guys and girls should respect themselves enough to want more from their hookups, be they for the night or for the long haul.

    I do think that Tinder is an interesting social experiment. It shows us how we’d act if sex were always at our fingertips. It gives us a way of thinking about sex discreetly but constantly, without fear of judgment or of our pasts following us into the hookup world. But think about this: At the same time that Tinder is hiding your secrets, it’s probably hiding someone else’s. Most of us wouldn’t look for a casual encounter on Craigslist, but our opinion changes when the subject is between 18 and 25 and ready to chat at a moment’s notice.

    I don’t think Tinder is bad. But I do think that we should always be paying attention to who we let into our lives and our beds. The world might be moving away from the days of dinner dates and dancing, but we’ve still got frat parties and Toad’s and bars to go looking for love. Maybe that’s the new old-fashioned. But finding love in the hopeless place that is a frat basement has to be a step up from searching on your phone, when you could be meeting people in real life. Who knows? Splitting the last of the beer from a tapped keg could be the beginning of a beautiful romance. But would you really want to admit to your future kids that you met via iPhone? Creep on. Just maybe creep in person, too.

  7. An ode to dating

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    It seems like everyone’s always talking about sex. “Yo, did you get it in last night?” or “OMG, y’all hooked up?” (With all the appropriate eyebrow-wiggling, of course.) There’s no denying the hookup culture at Yale and the number of people who participate in it, whether willingly or reluctantly. But whatever happened to the usual series of events that precede sex? No, not the condom. I’m talking about dating. Equality of the sexes is great and all, but sometimes all I want is a man to take charge: give me flowers (even if they’re bought from the Flower Lady), send me a nice text for no reason, hold the door for me when we eat in the dining hall (or — gasp! — at a restaurant). I want someone who wants to hang out with me in the daytime.

    Let me emphasize that I have nothing against hooking up. In a place as hectic as Yale, where mostly everyone is oversubscribed, people are wary of more commitment. So we hook up when we have time, but in doing so, we lose the chance to form something more meaningful with another person. People tend to say, “I don’t have time for a relationship.” I think, however, Yalies don’t have time to put all of their feelings out there once the process to attempt a relationship starts. But if we don’t have time now, between the problem sets and board meetings and hockey games, when will we have time later? Hooking up is safe. It’s a wonderful stress-reliever. There are no strings attached … right? In fact, it’s difficult to emotionally distance yourself from someone who may have seen you naked multiple times, or who you’ve at least made out with multiple times.

    You’d be hard-pressed to find a girl who’s seriously satisfied with (for lack of a better term) the “romance scene” on campus. Countless dinner conversations with your girls leave everyone emotionally depleted. It only takes one, “Ugh, I HATE boys!” to get the whole party roaring and promising to swear them off — at least until the next night out. Well, I don’t hate boys, I like them a lot actually, but I usually only like one boy at a time. I may only hook up with one boy at a time, but evolutionarily speaking, guys just don’t work that way. Men can like several women at once because back in the day, that’s how they could maximize their reproductive success. Sex is much more than just procreation now, but our biological past doesn’t reflect that. This inherent difference between the sexes could explain our conflicting outlooks on relationships.

    The philosopher Immanuel Kant said, “Sex taken by itself … is a degradation of human nature.” You hear that? A “degradation of human nature!” We’re better than that, we can admit to emotions. We don’t have to renounce boys altogether, but we can and should demand more. If we have the time to spend hours on the Internet looking at food porn and memes, we have the time to spend with someone we may be interested in (and it’s okay to admit you’re interested! Why else would you be hooking up?). I’m not advocating for courtship à la Romeo and Juliet, but actual effort is refreshing. It’s wonderful to let a girl know you’re into more than just her body.

    What we need is a dating culture. Most girls are resigned to the socio-cultural landscape of college. I say it’s time for us to speak up and demand more than booty-calls and late-night encounters that leave us wondering whether we just did or didn’t start a “thing.” It’s time for more daytime interaction, and no, a hurried weekday meal will not suffice.