Daisy Massey
Contributing Reporter
Author Archive
Coming Clean-ish

Dear God, It’s me, Moira. This day is very difficult for both of us. You’re sitting up there (reclining? bouncing on a yoga ball?), clucking […]

Monkey Off My Back

The monkeys weren’t happy with me. But how could I blame them. It had been a trying layover, so rudely interrupted by custom personnel, security […]

A Grant Application from a Future Senator

Dear Money People, This summer break, I would be honored to represent Yale as the young self-promoter that this great institution has shaped me to […]

Haven’t Seen It

Loyal Readers — Mom, Dad, my dear editor: Regretfully, I cannot attest to the merit of any of the films nominated for Best Picture, or […]

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds

Have a flame that just won’t die out? Got asked out over Valentine’s Day and said “yes” because it was Valentine’s Day and you felt […]

Steroids Not Included

What is it to self-improve? That’s a big, beefy question. Here at Muscle Blender, we’ve narrowed it down to three basic principles: lose weight, dye […]

A Hot Shower Does Not a Bathroom Make

I’ve always been a big fan of bathroom time. I’m not talking about squeezing the girlfriends into the handicapped stall because it’s been an hour […]

Hosting Harvard: A Guide

Last year, Harvard pulled out all the stops for us Bulldogs. The pregame had porta-potties. There was an open party. And they let us win […]

Unseen Cuts

It was 4 p.m., and Labonita “Love” Monk had yet to eat that day, despite being surrounded by food. “What time is it?” she asked, […]

Why I’m Not Going Out This Halloween: A Survey // Daisy Massey

Response #1: I’m not one for revelry, you know? I’m just not really a “ra-ra” person. I’m more like a “let’s take sips of wine […]

Yuck Mice! // Daisy Massey

Last Monday I sat in a basement checking mice penises. More specifically, checking if mice still had penises. I lifted them up by the tail, […]