Amay Tewari

Hailing from Sacramento, Meka Rucker ’28 came to Yale anticipating she would find her “person,” someone with similar interests and emotional intelligence.

Amid Yale’s small dating scene, Rucker said that being Black, Filipino, and white — an uncommon demographic at Yale — is another complexity she has to navigate while dating.

“Being mixed race, especially from California, isn’t an uncommon thing,” Rucker said. “But even though I embrace all these cultural sides of me, in dating I’m either Black or Filipino or white. You kind of just want to be embraced as you are, but no one has really done that here when I’m dating.”

At Yale, several Black women shared Rucker’s hope of finding connection on campus, only to discover that dating within such a small and interconnected community can come with difficulties.

In interviews with the News, six Black women cited racial preferences, a small dating pool and financial class differences as complications they’ve encountered while searching for love at the University.

Rebekah Boitey ’27 is “dating for marriage,” or at least looking for something long-term.

With additional preferences for someone kind and with an “indie” wardrobe, Boitey feels as though Black women at Yale are not the preference for many men on campus, making her hesitant to make the first move.

“I feel like it’s pretty common amongst Black women in general to ask the question of, before I even consider if they like me specifically, do they even like Black women?’” Boitey said. “I am hesitant to ever put myself in a position where I feel like rejection is imminent, basically.”

Fidah Kabwita ’26 prefers a friends-to-lovers relationship, but said that on-campus instances of colorism — prejudice based on skin tone — may limit the efforts of many who may be attracted to her.

“I think a lot of people on campus put dark-skinned women into archetypes, and those archetypes fuel the way in which they move with someone,” Kabwita said. “There’s been people on campus where I’m like, ‘I can see you find me attractive and there definitely is chemistry there, but something within you is holding you back.’”

Having been to several parties over her three years, Boitey said she has observed a pattern: When her Black female friends stood beside peers of other ethnic backgrounds at parties, those peers were more likely to be approached by potential suitors.

Rucker believed that Yale’s physical smallness breeds a web of interconnectedness. She recalled an instance where she went out with a biracial Black and Asian Yalie who arrived to the date with his own preconceived notions about Rucker, souring the evening.

Despite their ethnic similarities – both mixed race and part Black – Rucker said that they were still ultimately incompatible when trying to sustain a committed relationship.

In response, Modupe Karimi ’26 has observed her peers adapt their romantic preferences since coming to Yale. Many of her Black female friends, who initially favored men with similar racial and educational backgrounds, have found those criteria increasingly limiting.

“With the standards they had before, some realized they didn’t want to wait around to fall in love, so now they’re open to exploring connections across different backgrounds,” Karimi said.

Yale’s Black community is a close-knit network where “everyone knows everyone,” Kabwita said. Within such an interconnected circle, she’s found that relationships rarely stay private for long. That intimacy, she iterated, can make dating complicated.

Kabwita said Yale’s hookup culture creates a false perception that the on-campus dating pool is large and diverse. She also has seen instances where the culture encourages non-Black students to pursue short-term, low-stakes endeavors with Black women on campus.

After her first year, Kemi Tela ’27 made a short film, “The Myth of the Yusband,” about the Black female dating experience at Yale. One of the biggest themes she observed is that if one does have a romantic situation with another person of similar ethnic background and it doesn’t work out, there’s a strong chance they are going to run into them at other Black social spaces.

“I think people are hesitant to step outside the community,” Tela said. “That adds a role, because there’s only so many Black people on campus. And if you do have a romantic situation with someone, there’s a good chance you’re going to run into them at a function.”

Erin Kearney ’27, who is currently in a relationship with a fellow Yalie, echoed the feeling that the dating pool for Black women is notably small, though she has observed a greater dating success rate among her peers in queer relationships.

Hanifah Ouro-Sama ‘26 has observed that class dynamics impact relationships for Black women.

“Wealthy people socialize with people in their tax bracket and they also date in their tax bracket,” Ouro-Sama said. “When you ask about whether Black women seek out other Black men, I think it really depends on your social circle and your social background.”

Kabwita said that Yale’s wealth dynamics are integrated even within the Black community itself, but are less about family income and more about prior involvement in the social scene.

“I don’t think it’s like ‘If you make less than 500K, then you’re off the roster,” Kabwita said. “I think it’s more like because you’re, let’s say, a Jack and Jill kid, you’re going to gravitate towards Jack and Jill kids,” she added, referring to Jack and Jill of America, a Black American youth organization.

What keeps Boitey optimistic about finding love, though, is her understanding of her self-worth.

“This is only four years of my life, and if I don’t find my partner here I have time and that’s fine,” Boitey said. “I’m enjoying the relationships I have with my friends and the joy they put in my life, and that’s more than enough for me right now.”

Rucker believes that despite a handful of unfavorable dates, finding love at Yale isn’t impossible. She has seen a handful of successful relationships blossom among her peers. 

Growing up in Tennessee, Tela said that many of her friends currently attending southern schools are quicker to date and settle for relationships. For her, Yale is more of a place to learn about yourself and what you value in a relationship.

“I think I came to Yale with a very different expectation,” Tela said. “A lot of people in my family met their spouses in college, that’s kind of a generational thing. But I always think if you exist, then the right person for you exists too. If someone of your caliber is out there, then someone who matches it must be out there, somewhere.”