Elizabeth Watson

Do you think your fate is changing for the better? Or have you just stepped outside in the sun for the first time in months? Spring has officially arrived on campus and brought the drama along with clear skies and bright days.

The good news is that the retrograde reign of terror has finally come to an end. Unfortunately, so did a lot of relationships while Mercury and Venus were both orbiting backwards. It’s not like you were going to last anyway, despite whatever your situationship promised.

Fortunately, summer is fast approaching, and just as quickly as the seasons change, so do the forecasts for your future. 

This is what the stars have in store for you:

Aries

You’ve been celebrating your birthday all month, and your friends are tired of your partying antics. They just can’t keep up with your stamina. Time to pump the brakes … after going out with a bang! 

Taurus

‘Spring cleaning’ is taking on a whole new meaning for you. You might have been on a blocking streak recently, and if you haven’t, you need to start. It’s essential you cut out the toxic people in your life. Protect your peace, diva.

Gemini

You actually need to start spring cleaning. Your room is a mess — clothes everywhere, Apple Pencil nowhere to be found and why is there a five-day-old Shake Shack cheeseburger on your shoe rack? Pull yourself together. 

Cancer

You’ve been daydreaming about tanning on a tropical beach this summer, but you can’t escape the nightmare of finals. This is your sign to lock in and focus on your grades before they take a turn for the worse. The fantasy isn’t worth it — and tanning causes skin cancer anyway.

Leo

Summer is your time to shine, and you’ve been looking for a chance to capture everyone’s attention. Fortunately, the opportunities are endless. Consider: beach bod, tramp stamp, blackout? Preferably in that order.

Virgo

Romance is blooming everywhere, but don’t be bitter when it doesn’t happen for you. A relationship will require you to face your worst fear … emotional vulnerability. Ew! Consider finding some friends with benefits, as long as it doesn’t turn into friends with consequences.  

Libra

Retail therapy won’t solve all of your problems. Your shopping addiction is draining your bank account and the possibility of summer travel plans. You can’t wear your new wardrobe on your Europe trip if there is no Europe trip to go on. Ever heard of budgeting?

Scorpio

Stop doomscrolling and stalking people from high school on Instagram. Get a hobby – and flirting doesn’t count. Try something of substance, like performative reading in a public park. Not actual substances though. Public intoxication is so last season.

Sagittarius

You’ve been hoping for a fling for this Spring Fling season. If the stars align AND you find someone more excited about Ken Carson than you, then you’ll have a shot. Stay on the lookout.   

Capricorn

Bring that competitive edge to the frats this weekend. Don’t let anyone out-dance or out-drink you. This is the time to show off your moves and make yourself unforgettable before everyone leaves at the end of the semester. Go big! And then go home.

Aquarius

The warm weather is calling for you to reconnect with nature. Frolic in the fields, touch some grass and hug some trees to ground yourself back in reality. There’s no shame in being one of the sheep on Cross campus.

Pisces

Don’t believe everything you see. The tarot reader on your FYP told you to break no contact and get back with your ex who probably cheated five times. That’s terrible advice. This is the only accurate horoscope in the entirety of the Internet, and you should only get back with that ex if their trust fund has enough to make up for their infidelity — at least a trillion dollars per affair.