Cate Roser

The end of my first year of college is approaching and the passage of time ushered in a bit of a second semester slump. I think many factors are at play: the loss of Yale’s novelty, the residual depressing effects of winter, and even my choice in courses. It is even typical to have an existential crisis when you have been reading Kant for four weeks straight. 

I felt this stuckness for the first time after I finished my finals last semester, and it has lingered. I walked out of 53 Wall St. into the pouring December rain, feeling so palpably proud of myself. I had left it all out on the field. But as I walked back to my dorm, soaked to the bone, the luster wore off. What is my reward for all this hard work besides never ending exhaustion? Was all that was waiting for me on the other side … more work? And then a real adult career after that? In short, this semester has reduced me to muttering into my copy of Proust like a crazy person in the Saybrary, “what’s the point?”

Luckily, my break from my self-induced second semester existential crisis was assisted by a two-hour train ride back to campus from visiting an old friend in Boston. It was a chilly day, but the first signs of spring were just starting to peek through. I boarded a mostly empty train and as we emerged into the New England sunshine, I felt a familiar sense of wonder and captivation with the experience of watching the world go by. I had forgotten how much I loved trains: the way the conductors announced each stop, the beautiful scenery and the train stations with their niche and vaguely historical artwork — like the whale mural in the New London station — all had so much inherent charm. In those two hours, all there was for me to do was to appreciate the world as I was experiencing it in real time.

And there, on that red plastic train seat, somewhere between Providence and Westerly, Rhode Island, I had an epiphany. I needed to try to enjoy my life more. Wow, Grace, you might be thinking, you just made me read 374 words to tell me that your epiphany was that you need to enjoy your life more? Yes. I think that one of the challenges of this school is that it’s incredibly easy to get caught up in running from GCal event to GCal event without stopping to smell the metaphorical or physical flowers — as in small delights of everyday life or the beautiful daffodils blooming on campus right now. Yale was my dream, and I am living that dream. It seems I’ve forgotten that. So, this week, I’ve made a conscious effort to remember why I wanted to live life here, and why I was so excited to grow up and go to college at all.

Did I get all of my reading done this week? No. But I sat outside on Cross Campus in the sunshine and FaceTimed my best friend for two hours. I walked to Olmo to get bagels twice. I went to a different library just because. As the end of the school year quickly approaches, I’m determined to enjoy it in all of its glory (or lack thereof). As my Dean quoted in this week’s edition of his weekly email, “The happiest one wins.”