Aileen Santiago
As March 7 approaches, it feels like everyone on campus is asking the same question: “What are your plans for spring break?” It’s a harmless question, asked for the sake of making conversation or just out of general curiosity, but I also think it’s reflective of the general culture of Yale’s campus and the unspoken pressure to always be doing something. While the constant activity on campus can become overwhelming, I also appreciate the way it motivates, and almost forces me, to stay engaged.
Throughout my first semester here, I constantly felt like I wasn’t doing enough. It seemed like everyone around me had everything all figured out and I was completely behind — which wasn’t a feeling I was used to considering the most interesting thing people at my high school did on the weekends was usually find new spots for smoke seshes. Needless to say, I felt a lot more comfortable with my only plans for the weekend being sleeping in and watching “Shameless” in high school than here.
The difference between my high school and Yale, although expected, was still extremely jarring. For a while, I felt underprepared, confused and inadequate. I was stressed out and embarrassed that my GCal wasn’t as full as everyone else’s. I wasn’t entirely sure what I had to be doing, but I knew that I was supposed to be doing something, multiple somethings actually, but whatever I did felt wrong and unimportant. Eventually I figured out that I wasn’t alone in this — which seems obvious given our exceptionally accomplished student body but at the time my struggle genuinely felt unique.
Instead of wallowing in my feelings of inferiority, I was inspired by the incredible things people were doing and I started asking about them — which was something I never did in high school. I asked about people’s weekend plans, class schedules, career goals and everything in between and it was through these conversations that I discovered opportunities and connections that I would have never come across otherwise.
Although there’s a certain pressure to answer people’s questions about what you’re up to “correctly,” I appreciate that they’re asked in the first place. I will admit, there are times where these questions are loaded with an undertone of competitiveness, but I would prefer that over them not being asked at all because I feel like it makes for a generally more collaborative school culture, even if unintentionally. Personally, the constant and inescapable inquiries about my plans have motivated me to do more — granted, partly out of competitiveness — but also because I was introduced to so many things I didn’t even know I was interested in after hearing about them from others and I wanted to try them all.
Over Christmas break I was disappointed in the fact that after an entire semester at Yale, my resume wasn’t much stronger than it was before I’d arrived. However, upon further deliberation, I’ve come to appreciate my own journey and while I’m grateful for the pressure that our school culture places on me to challenge myself, I’m not upset at the fact that I didn’t immediately fill my plate with extracurriculars because I don’t think my downtime was unproductive.
My first semester at Yale was spent finding my footing. I was adjusting to an entirely new environment across the country from home and building a support system that this semester has proven to be much needed. I’m incredibly grateful for everything my Yale experience has been so far and I’m excited to continue exploring my interests and learning about myself for the next three years at a place with so many diverse interests and opinions. I also can’t wait to ask people what they’re doing over break or later that afternoon and continue to be inspired.