Jacinda Webber
Ask the person next to you for $100.
Now go up to a stranger you find attractive. Ask them to marry you.
I’m guessing both of these people said no. But fret not! You can tell them it was a social experiment.
In senior year of high school, a girl on my debate team convinced me to try 100 Days of Rejection Therapy with her. During tournaments, we would ask guys to give us their necktie, their award, their wallets or whatever else was on the list. The goal was to overcome our fear of rejection, and desensitize ourselves to hearing “no.”
Surprisingly, I believe it worked. Even today, I feel absolutely nothing when I receive rejection emails, when professors deny my Instructor Permission request, or when JE won’t pay for my Metro North tickets to New York. Still, I have no shame in asking! But I will say, three months of asking strangers stupid questions got a little demoralizing. So I tried something else.
A few Christmases ago, my mom gifted me one of her favorite books: “Year of Yes” by TV producer Shonda Rhimes. In her memoir, Rhimes essentially describes how saying “yes” for 1 year to every opportunity she discovered led to the success of shows like “Grey’s Anatomy,” “How To Get Away With Murder” and “Bridgerton.”
It’s like how the No. 1 rule of improv groups — or Ariana Grande — is “Yes, and?” The gist is that you always want to collaborate and build upon each others’ ideas. “And” keeps the scene moving forward, so you can workshop it until you have something you like. This same principle applies to life.
I decided to live my own Year of Yes by branching out at Yale:
- During the Extracurricular Bazaar, YMUNTaiwan attracted prospective applicants by shouting, “Do you want a free trip to Taiwan?” I had zero MUN experience, but decided to apply anyway. The conference was so rewarding that I continued on to Korea, China, and Brazil.
- For three years, I had been toying with the idea of free travel volunteering through worldpackers. Last March, I received an email offering an extra month of membership, so I finally worked up the nerve to sign up. I went to Laos, Cambodia, Indonesia, Australia, and even received a post-grad job offer.
- Last summer, I befriended a girl on a night bus in Vietnam, who turned out to work for the Uzbekistan Embassy. She asked me to redesign Uzbekistan’s tourism branding, so I’m headed there this summer.
I thank my past self for all these random, tiny decisions that led me to Yale, meeting my wonderful friends, and opened the doors to the world.
In the spirit of being reasonable, here are a few questions I ask myself when deciding when to say “yes”:
- What opportunities could X lead to? Will I learn something new?
- Am I agreeing because I feel obligated to, or because I want to?
- How much do I trust the person asking me? Will I have a support system?
- How much time can I realistically dedicate to X?
- Is this cool and awesome and fun?!?
It’s natural to still feel a bit scared — fear of consequences is a sign that you care. Personally, if my gut reaction is a resounding “yes,” then I take the leap.