Like every family, my family’s end-of-year gatherings are not just about religious traditions, gift-giving and affection — they also come with a hefty dose of drama, laughter and chaos. Between vegan and gluten-free options, Christmas and Hanukkah, old and young, liberal and conservative, clashing musical tastes and rival soccer teams, here are the most tense, awkward, comic and loveable moments that happen without fail every year.

1. Grandma’s Arrival

My Grandma Dorothy — or, as I like to call her, Vovó Dothy — always makes a memorable arrival. She comes in with several identical purses with her “essentials,” her perfume announcing her presence before she even steps in. Within minutes, everyone’s cheeks bear her signature lipstick kiss. She greets each cousin with a gasp at how tall we’ve grown, a tight hug and a teary, “How old are you now?” as if hearing it for the first time. 

2. Lipstick Before Blessings 

Right before the most critical moments, like lighting the Menorah, Grandma always yells, “A photo, please!” insisting, “I need something to show my friends!” But if someone suggests a photo in a calmer moment, she is suddenly not that desperate: “Wait, I didn’t even put my mascara on!” she’ll say, rummaging through her identical purses. Somehow, photos taken with my grandma always take forever.

3. A Breathing Exercise 

Aunt Dé never misses her chance for an impromptu performance — a song, a play or a poetic speech about celestial powers or the energy of nature. This year, I can picture a deep, meditative breathing exercise: “Inhale love, exhale gratitude.” My cousins Phil and Davi will certainly giggle, earning glares from our older cousin, Geo, “Stop being silly, guys,” she’ll say as Dé continues.

4. Blowing Out The Menorah Like A Birthday Cake 

At every family birthday, my little cousin Tom insists on the first slice of cake, proudly declaring, “It’s for a special person.” I can already picture his excitement at our Hanukkah gathering, bossing around his younger cousin, Miguel. I just hope he doesn’t mistake the Menorah for a birthday cake, blow out the candles and demand the first slice — giving his now-pregnant mom, Dani, even more troubles to handle!

5. Grandma’s Says a Bad Word

My Grandma Hero may be quiet, but she’s got a spark that always makes the table laugh. When my father or Uncle Marcos tests her by asking, “What’s my name again?” or start teasing her for eating only dessert, she’ll stick out her tongue or toss out a playful bad word, sending the whole family into laughter. Her sharp wit and mischievous humor always steal the show.

6. The Knife That Shouldn’t Have Been There 

My cousin Fe takes dietary restrictions seriously, ensuring the vegan and gluten-free options are respected. Yet, the gluten-free knife always ends up next to the Challah bread, and a non-vegan inevitably sneaks a bite of the vegan dish. “Who put this here?!” she’ll ask, exasperated but good-natured. This year, I’ll try to help keep things in order.

7. The Meat Conversation 

My father Gustavo and cousin Michel love an excellent Brazilian barbecue, especially a good Picanha meat. They’ll eagerly discuss the meal to come, but the mood shifts quickly when a vegan cousin like Rick joins the conversation. “What are you guys talking about? I’ll join!” he’ll say, prompting an immediate pivot to football or the weather. The smooth transition is an art form they master. 

8. Dad’s Playful Teasing

My dad has a knack for teasing that keeps the mood lively. He’ll joke about my uncle’s “juicy lips” or lovingly tease Aunt Carla for her endless storytelling — “Do you ever stop talking?” While my cousins Pedro and João laugh along, my sister and our cousin Sofia sometimes exchange exasperated glances. But by the end, we’re all laughing because his playful humor is just part of what makes him the youngest brother in the family. At least we have my cousin Dani’s tightest hugs and our dear Fefe’s excitement to lighten the mood.

9. When Soccer Rivalry Gets Political 

What starts as a harmless debate about Rio’s rival soccer teams, Flamengo and Fluminense, effortlessly spirals into a full-blown political discussion. Uncle Edu, my dad and Michel alternate between philosophizing, citing stats and venting frustrations. As the conversation heats up, Grandma Dorothy swoops in with a thousand questions, leaving everyone trying to change the subject — they figured out that bringing up my Grandma Dorothy’s successful days as a ballerina always works out, with her instantly volunteering to do the splits in the living room.

10. Any boyfriends?

Guga proudly holds the title of the self-designated “Boyfriend Uncle,” though his approach is unpredictable. One moment, he’s asking the family girls about boyfriends, and the next, he’s cracking a joke that starts with “Knock Knock!” or “What’s a red dot in the middle of the ocean?” The saving grace is his wife, Camila, who often swoops in to change the subject by asking where someone’s outfit is from or whether we’ve signed up to be counselors at summer camp.

11. The Raffle Nobody Escapes

My cousin Phil never misses the chance to pitch a raffle for his Jewish youth movement. “It’s for a great cause!” he says, waving a stack of tickets. Silence usually follows until Aunt Bel inevitably declares, “I’ll buy 10! The best aunt has to lead by example!” Her enthusiasm sets the tone, leaving everyone else no choice but to follow suit.

12. Hamilton-Samba Showdown

My cousin Marina, who loves singing, dancing and acting, never misses a chance to turn the family into her audience. I can already picture her belting out “Mazel Tov” or Hamilton lyrics, going head-to-head with her dad, Michel, who counters by cranking up some Samba and dancing with gusto. The volume battle is inevitable — let’s see who takes the crown this year.

13. Mum’s Secret Santa Idea

Every year, my mum invents a new twist for Secret Santa, and this year’s rules — announced this week in the group chat — were peak creativity: the gifts had to be homemade and start with the recipient’s first initial. “It’s about bonding!” she texted us while my sister Bia expressed her doubts, making fun of Mum’s idea. I can already imagine my dad handing my cousin Phil a potato. “P for Potato,” presenting it like a masterpiece. 

14. Cousin Witty Schemes

Every year, the cousins devise a wild plan — usually convincing the parents to pay for ice cream or a big meal under the guise of “bonding.” Geo, ever practical, will nod and say, “I’m in — but wait until I’m back in Rio!” Alex, always ready to make it happen, adds with a grin, “The family deserves this!” Somehow, through persistence and charm, the scheme always works.

15. This article 

If there’s one thing my family is great at, it’s turning the most lighthearted moments into dramatic discussions. So when I share this article in the family group chat, I’m bracing for the fallout. Someone will laugh, someone will deny everything and someone will inevitably say, “You couldn’t have left that part out?” But hey, if this sparks another round of chaos, I’ll consider it a new successful family tradition.