Mia Kohn

Looking for an excuse to overanalyze your existence? Look no further. As of Sept. 22, it’s officially Libra season — which means it’s time to embrace harmony as the scales swing your life back into balance. 

During this period, you’ll need to reassess your priorities and your relationships, especially after midterms. Mercury isn’t currently in retrograde so you can’t blame your failed exam on its wacky orbit. It’s entirely your fault that you procrastinated and ended up cramming at Bass until 2 AM.

Here’s your WKND horoscope based on your sun sign — aka the only sign that matters. You’re a Yale student, which means there is absolutely no depth to your personality. None of that ascendent or moon sign crap counts.

This is what the stars have in store for you: 

Aries

Life has been hectic for you and lately, you’ve been skipping the gym. Maybe take a step back and channel your abundant energy into your workout routine rather than beer-chugging contests.

Taurus

I’m not sure why you’re still reading this article. You don’t believe in this stuff, so stop wasting your time and go read something more productive. Perhaps the George Orwell novel you’ve been avoiding?

Gemini

You are in your peaceful era and you hate it, but now is not the time to start drama. Your GCal is booked this semester, so you need to work through your commitment issues and follow through on your plans. 

Cancer

You’ve been neglecting self-care, and you should treat yourself to a spa night with your friends in your dorm. Try to make it an authentic Yale experience by incorporating blue face masks and using olive oil to moisturize. 

Leo

Soads is calling you. Don’t answer. Do yourself and everyone around you a favor by staying in this weekend and focusing on self-improvement. 

Virgo

You’ve meticulously planned every minute of this month. Just make sure to actually complete your New England fall bucket list this year. Visit a pumpkin patch so you can post about it on Instagram like a true Gilmore girl. 

Libra

This is your time to shine. Your birthday is right around the corner! Take the chance to celebrate all month long and go out with your friends as much as possible. With Venus in your favor, you might get lucky in love. Just don’t look at your bank account. 

Scorpio

After putting on a facade for your parents last weekend, you’re ready to party. Embrace the real you and start building up your stamina for Halloweekend. 

Sagittarius

You may think the frat flick is a form of flirting, but don’t fall for it and abandon your friend at a party for the sake of a hookup. It won’t work out anyway, so focus on saving your friendship instead. 

Capricorn

After failing to get into a consulting group, you’ve probably been a little down lately and not feeling like yourself. Instead of hiding away, try to reconnect with your suitemates. They miss when you had a personality. 

Aquarius

Ghosts are lurking everywhere this month, but try not to become one and instead start responding to the emails you’ve been ignoring. You’re missing out on important opportunities and timely warnings from Anthony Campbell. 

Pisces

You came here for love, but now you’re losing hope. That’s because you’ve been looking for “the one” at frat parties. You won’t find them there, but your Econ section may yield better prospects. Stay delusional babes.