Clarissa Tan
The very first day of junior year, a classmate yelled at me from across the High Street – Elm Street intersection: “OMG, hey! Why are you back on campus??”
I froze in the middle of the street.
Oops! I had totally forgotten that last spring, I told about a hundred people that I would be taking a gap year – AKA, I’m not supposed to be at Yale right now. Just last week, I received this email reminder from my dear Jonathan Edwards college: “LOA Deadline TODAY, 5pm sharp,” sending me into a reflection of what might have been.
Way back during freshman year, after a particularly-difficult ECON 115 exam, I declared to my suitemates that I was going to “drop out” for one year and travel the world. I spent that night holed up on the top floor of Farnam B, researching Yale’s fellowship websites and reading strangers’ blogs.
Flash forward to ECON 121 in sophomore year. I began seriously considering, how do you actually take a gap year? Can I just… up and leave?
Long story short, pretty much! Every Yale student I’ve talked to who has taken a “Leave of Absence” has had their request approved – no questions asked.
My first step was figuring out what to do during my gap year, and so I made a Google Doc titled “genius ideas :)” that included: carnival in Brazil, learn how to surf, get my scuba-diving license, shark cage diving, visit underwater waterfall in Mauritius —look it up, it’s super cool — learn how to cook, get a job w some company, intern?? — or honestly — just spend some time at home / with family / in China ?
My second step was deciding when to leave. As a freshman, it seemed a bit odd to attend Yale for only one year, then take a gap before I even got to know the place. Besides, all the deadlines had already passed. After speaking to Light Fellowship recipients and other gap students, I was recommended to go at “the halfway point.”
Third, and perhaps most difficult: How was I going to afford this? I scoured every inch of the OCS webpage, attended MacMillan Center info sessions and scheduled countless Zoom meetings with advisors. I came to the conclusion that the only Yale Fellowship that supports academic term-time gaps — and not just summer projects — was the Barry Fellowship. To qualify, you have to propose an independent research project in a foreign country.
As I figured out how to justify this to my parents, I began asking myself… why exactly did I want to take this gap?
In all honesty, I have always wanted a break from education. I’ve been nothing but a full-time student for the past 12 years, and I haven’t had longer than 3 months at a time — the equivalent of summer break — to be in the real world.
Besides, the looming thought of graduation filled me with dread. There’s a difference between being in the real world on a gap year versus as a post-grad. As a gap student, I’d have the whole world at my fingertips — I can dive into new adventures, work odd jobs and backpack to remote places, all while having the safety net of Yale to return to. But taking a gap year after graduation feels different — it just means I’ll be unemployed, filling the void of adulthood with random side quests.
It was decided. I would take my gap after sophomore year, and come back as a class of ’27. I came up with a brilliant project that would combine my majors in Global Affairs and Art, taking me to former Indochina and North Africa. I drafted a $17,000 budget, wrote a 1,000-word research proposal, asked my French professor for a letter of recommendation and submitted it on Feb. 14 by 11:59 p.m. EST to Yale Student Grants.
Everything was set. Now, all I had to do was wait.
I got funding. But I’m no longer taking a gap year.
If you ask anyone what their favorite part of Yale is, I’ve only ever heard one answer – “the people.” And I would say the exact same thing. Though I’ll credit my friends for trying to convince me to stay last semester, it took the past four months of solo backpacking to really put things into perspective.
It’s simple. Yale is my favorite place in the whole world. If the best part is the people, then why am I fighting so hard to leave?
I’ll admit, it’s slightly embarrassing to show my face on campus again after telling everyone that I’d be gone. I guess that’s why you don’t broadcast your hopes and dreams to the public — in my defense, I did it for accountability reasons.
Now that I’m back for good, junior year feels like a new beginning. Almost everyone I’ve talked to has dropped half of their original commitments, making space for unexpected developments. Personally, I’m taking this time to prioritize academics, enjoy our beautiful campus and deepen my existing relationships while branching out. In recognizing that I’m halfway done, I want to make the most out of Yale — which means being present.
I still believe gap years are an amazing opportunity, and I still want to go shark cage diving. Ultimately, for me, it was just a matter of priorities. The Mauritius underwater waterfall will always be there, but the Yale experience is temporary. After graduation, the class of 2026 will scatter around the country and the world. We only have these ephemeral moments to be gathered together in one place.
I guess I’ll never discover the conclusion to my Barry research project, but it doesn’t matter anymore. The most valuable experience Yale could ever award me is these four short years.