Maria Arozamena, Illustrations Editor
Love — scary concept, right? This word has gained such a heavy connotation that people avoid using it at all costs. I am a big believer that this is the wrong approach.
Each person has their way of expressing love and their preference for how to receive affection. According to specialists, these tastes can be divided into five categories: acts of service, sharing gifts, quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch. At first glance, these subdivisions seem artificial. Isn’t love supposed to be mysterious and somewhat confusing? In the words of Camões, “Amor é um fogo que arde sem se ver” — love is a fire that burns, yet burns unseen.
Moving abroad for college, I was genuinely scared of how I could keep nurturing my relationships back home. I have been surrounded by the love of my family and friends all my life; this would be the first time I wouldn’t have them nearby as my safety net. And, even though they went above and beyond to support me during this process, I still feel some guilt — leaving them behind so that I can pursue something of my own. What I realized very early on is that even though I don’t talk to my friends on a daily basis and I am not sitting around the dinner table with my parents and brother debriefing our days, I — and them — never question whether there is love between us. Of course there is! I know I love them, and I know they love me back no matter what. There is no urgent need for service, gifts, quality time or anything. Knowing they are and will always be there to return to is sufficient.
When you reach true love these analyses truly become trivial. You get to a point where knowing you love and are loved is simply enough. There is no need for surprise matcha, a silly text or an uplifting sentence — although these are always appreciated! You know you have your people; people you can count on for anything — and that is the only satisfaction you need.
Don’t get me wrong, these “love languages” definitely have their utility. When you are building a relationship, it is fundamental to understand what makes you both feel good. Now that you are starting from scratch in college, take this chance to learn how the people around you feel best and to see what works for you too. Keep an open eye to the small details. I leave you with a list of things I considered small acts of care from this last week — to inspire you to start showing small bits of love here at Yale!
- Writing a Post-it note wishing me a good day before I wake up
- Saving me a slice of pizza
- Agreeing to run a 5k with me
- Giving me sips of water when I forgot my Owala
- Waiting for me on the other side of the crosswalk when I refused to jaywalk
- Going to the knitting circle with me
- Walking me back to my dorm late at night
- Proofreading my essays — and YDN WKND articles — MULTIPLE times
- Taking candid pictures of me
- Giving me a new umbrella
- Sharing Airpods during our gym sessions
- Filling up my water bottle
- Saving me a free sticker
- Killing a cockroach that I was terrified of
- Dancing it off after a long day
- Getting ready to go out with good music and vibes
At the end of the day, you should do what feels right. There is no such thing as “the right way of loving.” If it feels natural and comes from the heart, do it. Love your way.