Pining after your FroCo? Dying to get on the orgy panlist? Sick of seeing khakis on men? You’re in luck! Welcome to Sex on the WKND, YDN’s anonymous column dedicated to answering your burning questions about sex, love and anything in between. Obsessing over sex is a Yale tradition as old as the Oldest College Daily itself. This year, we have a love-guru columnist who has done it all and is ready to share. Whether you have a seminar with a hookup-gone-wrong or accidentally sent a raunchy text to your chemistry study group, Sex on the WKND is ready to help. Don’t be shy. Submit your anonymous questions, stories, and tips here.
Dear SOTW,
Is there a legitimate alternative to dating websites? It’s hard to find good matches and more importantly difficult to reach out to acquaintances on these apps. I have been single for too long and it’s unlikely I am the only single person out here. Where is everyone?!
Your first weeks at Yale, meeting new people is all too easy. You go up to a similarly nervous-looking, lanyard-wearing first year, say your name, residential college and hometown, and you’re fast friends. Meeting new sexual partners is just as simple. Did I mention that the nervous-looking, lanyard-wearing first year is just as horny as you? Evidence is everywhere; suddenly half of Durfee E has chlamydia. It’s first year — if the worst thing that can happen is chlamydia from your FroCo group crush, everyone is taking those odds. The two of you hook up after a “crazy” night out at Woads. The next day, you text and he leaves you on read. You pay a visit to Yale Health. But hey, at least something happened.
By the time you’re an upperclassmen, the dynamics have shifted. You and that boy from freshman winter grasp at any distraction when you pass each other in HQ. That cute boy across the Berkeley dining hall: slept with your roommate’s best friend and lasted under 30 seconds. Thanks to who you’ve already hooked up with, who your friends have hooked up with and who your prior hookups are friends with, the option pool has become all too small.
Still, you’re ready to settle down. You’re getting too old for a dance floor make-out with someone whose name you didn’t catch. So how do you meet your next beau?
Frat Parties
Perhaps a cliche, but for good reason. Who knows whom you might meet on High Street? If you want to waste no time imagining, stand outside when the pledges are doing the naked run! When meeting new people, sometimes you just need to get out of your head. Kirkland vodka shots are an easy fix. The key here is to set the tone early. No, you’re not interested in a tour of the frat house. Exchange numbers, say goodbye and leave him wanting more. There’s a good chance he won’t text you back, but at least you know before you sleep with him.
Sports House
Alternatively, say goodbye to High Street and walk up to Lake Place. Everyone knows that the best thing about having regular sex is telling people you are having regular sex. The easiest fix: out of season athletes. Their whole personality is gone till next season, and they’re desperate for a new activity to fill the time. Cardio, preferably.
The Yale Daily News
“All night, intense focus, never stopping,” are all phrases commonly attributed to the community at the Yale Daily News. These people don’t have much of a social life outside of the News, let alone a current partner. Give them the slightest bit of interest, and they’ll be all too easy to woo. If it’s late nights against tight deadlines, you should join the YDN!
Class Crush
With a new semester comes a new opportunity for a class crush. A lecture creates a perfect opportunity to take someone in — are they really that cute, tired at 9 a.m. in Marsh Hall? A seminar or section allows for a true sussing of character. Do they talk too much, too little? Do they aggressively defend the Western canon? What’s more, a shared class creates an easy opportunity to spend more time together. Invite them over for a study session or, better yet, to watch that movie your professor assigned. Your class comprehension may be low, but you’ll come on time and eager.
The Blind Date
Even as Yale begins to feel smaller, there are so many people left to meet. Your friends have friends you don’t know. Declare to the world you’re open and looking and see what options your friends bring in. You may know in the first five minutes that you’re not interested and get stuck sitting there for another two hours. You may question if the friend who set you up even likes you. Then again, sometimes plot is plot. If you already know you’re not seriously interested, there’s no consequence to sleeping together on the first date.
Friends to Lovers
Perhaps the person you’ve been looking for has actually been beside you all along. The girl on your floor from first year. The boy you get weekly meals with. Maybe you thought they were cute at first, but something got in the way. But finally, Harry is ready to kiss Sally. Of course, this scenario is high risk, high reward. Maybe Sally is an awful kisser. You may end your first — and last — mediocre hookup with nothing but regrets. A friendship ruined and no orgasm to show for it.