Anna Chamberlain
Perhaps you remember the moment when a certain student group regretted to inform you of something, but you remind yourself — you never looked hot in a Patagonia jacket anyway. Or the person in front of you in the Silliman dinner line snatches up the exact piece of perfectly crusted, not-too-brown Katsu fried chicken you’ve been eyeing, so you curse them, hoping that their pillow is warm on both sides during reading period. Or maybe as you’re running late to a class, you decide to be bold, calculate your risks and jaywalk; however, the stoplight suddenly turns green and with the cars revving up, you do the awkward scoot-and-shuffle across the street, bowing and waving apologetically at drivers who want nothing more than to run you over.
Simply put, being at Yale, or any place where flip flops must be worn while showering, can be just plain sad. Not the bashful, sexily-tuck-your-hair-behind-your-ear kind of sad, but a state so forlorn that when the Commons Lotus worker offers you a second cookie, you decline.
No heartbreak or investing-adjacent club rejection is worth sacrificing the second Commons cookie, which is why I’ve compiled a list of the top six places for you to relieve yourself — in the crying sense.
Schwarzman Good Life Center
Nothing screams “mental health” louder more than a wellness center that faces a cemetery! However, for those of you pretty criers, this spot is perfect for you. Sob into a bean bag. Stain the pages of a mandala coloring book. Take a few complimentary tea bags on your way out. The communal rooms are a double edged sword – yes, your tears may interrupt someone’s midday nap, but perhaps another sad person nearby will spot you and think, “They look devastated, and that’s kinda sexy.”
Privacy: 1/5
Convenience: 4/5
Vibes: 5/5
Commons’ balcony, during peak hours
If you don’t mind being slightly exposed while crying — maybe you even like it, no judgement — try going up a flight of stairs in Commons and onto the balcony. You’ll be able to see the masses of people lining up for dehydrated Lotus dumplings and feel slightly less sorry for yourself! Perhaps you’ll even heckle at them, and then duck behind the rail before anyone sees you. Also, Yale has kindly supplied the balcony with gummy drop-shaped chairs, which personally, brings me a sense of visceral joy.
Privacy: 3/5
Convenience: 4/5
Vibes: 4/5
Bass Library Cubicle, but not the ones next to Bass cafe
Welcome to rock bottom. A true classic, Bass cubicles have served generations of tense calls with parents, long-distance partners and quant firm interviewers. If you have never had the pleasure of sitting in a Bass Cubicle, first imagine looking at a brick. That’s it. Just a brick.
Pro tip: Book a room in advance if you can already forecast the vibes of a shit day ahead.
Privacy: 3/5
Convenience: 3/5
Vibes: 1/5
Shopping Aisles of Stop n’ Shop on Whalley Avenue
For those of you who are chronically online, I call this suburbia-core. A 10-minute walk away from Old Campus, this Stop n’ Shop location maximizes privacy from the Yale community. Here, you won’t have to worry about running into the person you had your dismal coffee chat with. Or the guy from your first-year seminar who can’t stop playing devil’s advocate to save his life. You’ll be able to pour your heart out under the flickering, yellowish lighting as your tears hit the linoleum floors. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
Privacy: 6/5
Convenience: 1/5
Vibes: 3/5
Paved Trail between Franklin and Murray
During the schlep to Science Hill, your head might hang low, so perhaps you’ll spot the winding “underground” trail beneath you. This path is lined with lush greenery, allowing you to live your ultimate sad, hot and aesthetic crying fantasies. Its lack of accessibility is what boosts its privacy — with no obvious entrance, this location weeds things down to only the most devoted of criers.
Privacy: 5/5
Convenience: 2/5
Vibes: 5/5
Panera — it’s Panera, what more could a girl ask for?
Who needs YC3 when Panera has You-Mix-Two soup combos? If you’re like me and prioritize privacy above all else, I recommend choosing a ripped booth next to the dish drop corner.
There’s something self-indulgent about crying — hearing the sound of your guttural sobs, feeling the snot run down into your mouth and gasping for air as you let out another wail. Panera is a safe space for you to indulge to your heart’s content. There’s even a password protected bathroom where you can contemplate your reflection in the mirror and think, “My cheeks are pretty cute when they’re flushed.”
Privacy: 5/5
Convenience: 5/5
Vibes: 7/5
Figuring out which crying spots are suitable for crying is a lot like determining where to fart. You could do it anywhere, but you just have to be brave enough to take that first step.
That being said, let it out. Never mind the haters because I guarantee you, there’s someone else holding it all in. Everyone does it, so why hesitate?