Vivian Tong
FroCo-cest, Foot-cest, College-cest, there’s a whole list of “forbidden” hookups waiting for first years to get tangled up in. When things get steamy, it’s hard to think about the big picture of your college life. Are there some hookups that are really off the table? After interviewing fellow freshmen who have committed some infamous “-cests” (and had my own share of encounters turned awkward…), I’ve learnt that things can get messy quickly. So let’s walk through the potential risks and rewards of these “taboo” hookups.
Roommates/Suitemates: And they were roommates
Let’s get one thing straight — we all can agree this is the no-go of all no-gos. There’s no way to rationalize a decision like this. If you’ve been considering it, take this as a sign to seriously reevaluate your romantic choices.
Risk: Catastrophic.
Reward: Never needing to do the walk of shame…
Floor-cest: One knock away
One thing: shared bathrooms — and no, not in a steamy way. Seriously. Do you want to get stuck brushing your teeth next to the guy who didn’t call you back? Or worse paying the price for the ice cream you had with dinner while they’re in the stall next to you?! Not to mention seeing all their new flings coming in and out of their room. Floor-cest may sound thrilling, easy and fun but the cons quickly start to add up if things go south.
Risk: Panic everytime you go to shower.
Reward: Conveniently close by.
Entryway-cest: Going down downstairs.
Now this is a classic but complicated situation. A big pro is that you’re neighborly but not as close as your floormates. Maybe you’ve been having tension-filled encounters on the stairwell all week. But do you really want to take it to the next level? Those stairwell rendezvous and late-night water runs can suddenly become unbearable. You won’t be able to gossip about them in the courtyard without having to keep an eye out, and you’ll find yourself bolting up your stairs when you get home from class. Also, don’t be surprised when your whole building knows all about it.
Risk: Their roommates telling everyone you moan weirdly.
Reward: Good cardio going up and down those stairs.
College-cest: Say-what? Say no.
Colleges are rife for meeting cool people and they feel big enough that there shouldn’t be any problems when those hookups turn into opps — but beware. You shouldn’t have to be on the lookout when doing laundry or eating at your own college dining hall. One Saybrugian guilty of college-cest advised that they: “shockingly see them everywhere, all the time.” If you protect your peace, your college can stay a rare safe space. Then again you might hit it off with one of your intramural teammates or just feel really strongly about college pride. A potential college partner could turn out to be a great thing — what better way to foster camaraderie? A repeat college-cester in Morse admitted they, “lowkey hate that the people are in my college… but I do it anyway… and I’ll do it again.”
Risk: Getting asked “so what are we?” at the salad bar.
Reward: They can treat you to something at the Buttery afterwards (if chivalry isn’t dead).
FroCo-cest: The most like actual incest?
Firstly, no I’m not talking about your literal FroCo — that’s a whole different kind of forbidden. I mean getting cozy with someone in your randomly assigned group of first week friends. FroCo group vibes range, mine was always kinda awkward, but others claim theirs are familial. One FroCo-cest culprit strongly advised to not engage before your nightly meetings are done: “we had more Froco meetings post hookup, and after, I told them I didn’t want to do it again. They’d then text me during the froCo meetings and watch me not respond.” Yikes. When asked if they regret it they immediately responded: “Yes, very much so. It changed our friendship and the way our group interacted and the only reward was the freakiest hookup of my life.”
However, now that orientation is over, we don’t have to spend that much time with our FroCo groups, so maybe you’ll be a little luckier with yours! Just be prepared for some uncomfortable Sunday family dinners.
Risk: Your FroCo reminding you to use a condom when they see you together.
Reward: Checking off one more square on the Rumpus bingo.
Foot-cest: The rough and wild
If you got with someone during your foot trip… power to you. You braved the sex bear, the bugs and dirt in places it shouldn’t be. More often than not, you didn’t get together during your trip but caught a spark for one of your fellow hikers. Good news though! Now that we’re all back on campus and no longer sleeping side-by-side under a tarp, it’s a lot less weird to get it on. The biggest issue is the potentially painful Foot reunions. One foot-cest offender said: “our foot group is divided now, everyone knows about it and also he [the hookup] didn’t show up to our last reunion.” They also stated, “while I have no regrets… I would advise very strongly against it, don’t break up the foot family… also the sex bear is real… very real.”
Risk: The sex bear.
Reward: They’ve seen you after not showering for four days and still want you.
Class-cest: The study buddy special
This dilemma lies in those first-year seminars, daily language classes or anything Directed Studies-related where you’re in an already intimate classroom environment. Do you really want Kyle in your English 120 class to smirk and make deep eye contact with you while bringing up the nuances of a Virginia Woolfe essay? Maybe you do (no judgment here). Keep in mind you’re probably not as sneaky as you think. One DS student remarked: “I see [redacted] and [redacted] shoot glances all the time in my history seminar and sometimes kick each other under the table.” Additionally, don’t let it impede on your academics. If both of you are capable of leaving your romantic and emotional baggage at the classroom door, then enjoy those late night “study” sessions. For those who have already engaged in class-cest gone wrong, one source advises they’ve, “started wearing sunglasses to lectures and seminars — both as a disguise and pupil-hider for sneaky glances.” They also admit: “it was kind of inevitable, so don’t get too in your head about it.”
Risk: Knowing they’re accurately picturing you in your underwear while giving a presentation.
Reward: Sexy intellectualism? You can discuss your Plato readings in bed if that’s your thing.
So you’ve thought through the potential outcomes of this encounter. But let’s be real, is it ever that serious? If everyone abided by these arbitrary taboos then who would there even be left to hook up with? The awkward moments will pass, the gossip will die down and one day you’ll embrace your cringe-worthy decisions. Even better, maybe you’ll meet an actual match who you have a great relationship with. Would you let the fact you’re in the same college or class stand in the way of true love? The key is to do what feels comfortable and right — but also be ready to roll with any potential consequences. If anything, you’ll end up with a great story and a touch less dignity.