Melany Perez

Your favorite annual YDN piece is back. You already know that Taylor Swift’s boyfriend and his pals won the big game, Patrick Mahomes is already one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time and the 49ers came up just short once again. And just like last year, Yale Dining was a massive winner with their wings and nachos, and the gambling addiction helpline was a big loser, as I listened to 53 bets on whether the next play was going right or left. But, beyond the obvious, who else’s stock is trending up or down after the game? 

Winner: Leyli Granmayeh ’25’s chocolate strawberries

I thought I was too full to eat more after taking down about 12 wings in the JE dining hall, but if you’re at a Super Bowl party and you don’t try the chocolate strawberries with the vanilla drizzle to make a football pattern, you don’t deserve to write a winners and losers column. And boy am I glad I did. Leyli struck just the right balance between chocolate and strawberry, allowing the desserts to just melt in my mouth. 10/10 work from a budding culinary superstar.

Loser: Me

From scheduling a tutoring session from 5:00-6:00 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday to planning on doing readings after the game to incorrectly guessing the score for my econ betting pool, it was just a poor all-around showing. And to add insult to injury, I annoyed everyone within a ten-yard vicinity by singing the chorus to Usher’s “Yeah!” on loop for the entire second half.

Winner: Mecole Hardman and the Chiefs’ receivers

After spending a season getting memed for dropping passes that “I could have caught” — I would get snapped in half if I stepped on a football field — and ridiculed as the worst receiving corps in the league, the Chiefs receivers showed up when it mattered most. Hardman, specifically, caught both the longest pass of the night and the overtime game winner. 

Loser: MAGA Republicans

MAGA was rooting for the notable Republican hotbed city of — let me check my notes — San Francisco. Pfizer man Travis Kelce played well and there were plenty of cutaways to T-Swizzle. The “psy-ops” for the 2024 election are in full effect. The children saw pole dancing during the halftime show. Bud Light’s stock has rebounded. Score one for the liberals.

Winner: Conspiracy Theorists

See above.

Loser: Jauan Jennings

Jennings, the 49ers’ third receiver, threw the game’s first touchdown, caught the 49ers only other score and made several key plays. By all accounts, he should qualify as a winner. But to come so close to securing the most unexpected Super Bowl MVP in history, just for his team to lose in the last few minutes, is tough.

Winner: Nickelodeon broadcast

I didn’t watch it, but based on the clips I’ve seen, I probably should have. The broadcast featured a grumpy Squidward waiting in line for the bathroom, Dora explaining the rules, Plankton trying to destroy the field and Patrick Star suggesting that Christian McCaffrey should try to hold onto the ball. No doubt, it would have made the first half infinitely more watchable.

Loser: 9:00 a.m. class attendance and participation

We were missing six people in my Monday 9:00 a.m., and our knowledge of the John Birch Society felt limited, even after we each surely did all the readings.

Winner and Loser: Everyone in the halftime show — except Lil John

Lil John moshing with the crowd is a pure win in my book. Usher’s rollerblading ability and costume changes qualify for winner status, but caressing a married Alicia Keys and having a less recognizable discography than I anticipated is loser behavior. Alicia Keys’ outfit was a win, but her vocals were not, I fear. Every other performer notched a win for making it onstage at the Super Bowl, but a loss for being unrecognizable to 95% of America.

Probably a loser, but honestly just confusing: Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s campaign ad

We’re talking about it, which counts for something. However, in addition to it being a strange and pretty annoying ad, his cousin, Bobby Shriver, denounced the ad as a desecration of their uncles’ legacies. And then RFK, who still has the ad pinned on his social media accounts, denied any involvement with its creation. It was a true litmus test of whether all press is good press.

Andrew Cramer is a former sports editor, women's basketball beat reporter, and WKND personal columnist at the YDN. He still writes for the WKND and Sports sections. He is a junior in Jonathan Edwards College and is majoring in Ethics, Politics & Economics.