Melany Perez

I didn’t want to write this article, but I follow the news. I can see the trends, and I know what it takes to win clicks through search engine optimization these days. I asked my editors, “How could the Yale Daily News, as a ‘reputable’ news organization, not have at least one headline with the words Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce in it?” They didn’t know, so here we are.

The cumulative length of T-Swizzle’s discography is around 21 hours; I, doing my humble duty to both my readers and Travis Kelce, listened to all of it. And I now have the definitive ranking of all of Taylor Swift’s songs, from 1–185, grouped by how Travis should listen to them. 

The formula for calculating this ranking included several variables: (1) Subjectively, do I like the song? (2) Objectively, is it a banger? (3) Was it a cultural phenomenon? (4) Do I think the 6’5”, 250-pound Travis Kelce would love it? (5) Would the Swifties come for me if I didn’t rank it higher?

There will be some songs that make you say, “There’s no way you ranked ‘Betty’ at No. 141, Andrew!” But I did, because the first 140 were just that awesome. It is the price Taylor pays for a prolific discography. 

My editors warned that classic clickbait rankings save the top spot for the end, but a clickbait artiste like myself need not depend on such gimmicks. So no, I won’t sell out my audience so shamelessly. Instead, I offer you nuance and dignity. 

1–20: The first touchdown! Songs we all developed a crush to

1. Fifteen
2. Fearless
3. Love Story
4. Speak Now
5. Hey Stephen
6. Red
7. Forever & Always
8. State of Grace
9. All Too Well
10. White Horse
11. The Best Day
12. You Belong With Me
13. Tim McGraw
14. Teardrops On My Guitar
15. Our Song
16. Breathe
17. Stay Stay Stay
18. When Emma Falls In Love
19. The Story Of Us
20. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

This was supposed to be a list of when Travis should listen to these songs, but, if we’re being perfectly honest, we all know he developed his crush because of these masterpieces. 

Sure, you might be asking, “Hey, don’t a whole bunch of these involve breakups or disrupting somebody else’s wedding?” They sure do. But who cares? The vocals … the storytelling … the guitar … magical.

21–49: The emotions are building (like the start of a Chiefs touchdown drive)

21. Mean
22. Invisible String
23. Sparks Fly
24. How You Get The Girl
25. Better Than Revenge
26. Blank Space
27. 22
28. Enchanted
29. Mine
30. I Knew You Were Trouble
31. Tell Me Why
32. Lover
33. Mr. Perfectly Fine
34. You’re Not Sorry
35. I Almost Do
36. Never Grow Up
37. Dear John
38. Change
39. Paper Rings
40. London Boy
41. The Way I Loved You
42. Message In A Bottle
43. Getaway Car
44. Daylight
45. Last Kiss
46. Long Live
47. Nothing New
48. Begin Again
49. That’s When

That first cutoff was made by the thinnest of margins, and I realize it might seem questionable to exclude songs like “Mean”, “22” and “I Knew You Were Trouble” that all dominated the radio for years. But like I said, this list isn’t about caving to the opinions of the masses. This is about dissecting the romantic timeline of the most over-dissected couple on the planet through music.

While this group features another batch of heartbreak anthems, including a grave reminder of the stakes of the relationship in “Dear John”, it also features some of Taylor’s best songs to listen to as you daydream about falling in love, including “Lover,” “Blank Space” and “Paper Rings.” 

50–73: Taking it public: songs on the pregame playlist right now

50. I Forgot That You Existed
51. Back To December
52. Picture To Burn
53. Cruel Summer
54. Gold Rush
55. Death By A Thousand Cuts
56. Cornelia Street
57. Jump Then Fall
58. Style
59. Illicit Affairs
60. Shake It Off
61. Treacherous
62. Should’ve Said No
63. You All Over Me
64. Forever Winter
65. Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)
66. The Very First Night
67. Starlight
68. This Is Me Trying
69. The 1
70. Don’t Blame Me
71. False God
72. Dress
73. King Of My Heart

The old Travis might have been a little shy about some of these. “Shake It Off” might have been a mainstay even before all this hullabaloo, but he was probably a little too embarrassed to publicly dive a little deeper into the Taylor-verse and play something like “Illicit Affairs” back in the day. Now, though, it’s time for my man to claim these bangers. 

I want to make it abundantly clear to any of the other Chiefs players reading this piece — I’m looking at you Patrick Mahomes — you don’t have to be a Swiftie to love these. Sure, maybe these aren’t all familiar bops. But that’s no excuse to write them off or shove your teammate in a locker just for listening to them. Give them a chance, and I’m sure you’ll come around.

74–103: The deeper knowledge to prep for Thanksgiving at the Swifts

74. Foolish One
75. Mirrorball
76. Coney Island
77. Champagne Problems
78. Bigger Than The Whole Sky
79. Everything Has Changed
80. Innocent
81. Don’t You
82. This Love
83. No Body, No Crime
84. Dorothea
85. Out Of The Woods
86. You Are In Love
87. August
88. I Bet You Think About Me
89. Sad Beautiful Tragic
90. Cowboy Like Me
91. Exile
92. ’Tis the Damn Season
93. Bad Blood
94. Holy Ground
95. Today Was A Fairytale
96. Delicate
97. If This Was A Movie
98. Stay Beautiful
99. Soon You’ll Get Better
100. Labyrinth
101. The Archer
102. Safe And Sound
103. Haunted

Exactly 40 percent of the way through our list, there is a noticeable shift in the energy. As their relationship continues to mature, Travis will want to hear Taylor’s music develop as well. These more recent melancholy melodies don’t dominate every college boy’s playlists like the first 73 songs undoubtedly do. But when you sit and give them a real listen, they can hit you right in the feels, like Mahomes might hit Kelce for a big score.

104–135: Songs to hate-listen to after the first fight, but he just falls even more in love

104. Cold As You
105. Cardigan
106. We Were Happy
107. I Did Something Bad
108. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
109. New Romantics
110. The Lucky One
111. Ivy
112. Happiness
113. Clean
114. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve
115. The Last Great American Dynasty
116. Eyes Open
117. Afterglow
118. You’re On Your Own Kid
119. Right Where You Left Me
120. I Wish You Would
121. The Moment I Knew
122. Timeless
123. Electric Touch
124. Peace
125. Ronan
126. Maroon
127. Welcome To New York
128. It’s Time To Go
129. Mastermind
130. Hoax
131. Gorgeous
132. My Tears Ricochet
133. Sweet Nothing
134. Call It What You Want
135. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

While the title might seem overly negative, this group is barely even a notch below its antecedent. However, with many of these titles lacking the name recognition power from the top 100, Travis’ knowledge of these tunes will show he’s all the way locked in. 

As for some of the well-known songs here — “Welcome to New York,”  “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” and “Gorgeous” — well, maybe those are, in fact, knocked down a peg on the grounds of “not being as good.” I said what I said.

136–163: It’s the offseason, so he might as well

136. Run
137. Ours
138. I Can See You
139. End Game
140. Mad Woman
141. Betty
142. I Know Places
143. Closure
144. Evermore
145. The Lakes
146. Hits Different
147. Dancing With Our Hands Tied
148. Question…?
149. Long Story Short
150. It’s Nice To Have A Friend
151. Marjorie
152. Seven
153. The Great War
154. Snow On The Beach
155. New Year’s Day
156. Bye Bye Baby
157. I Think He Knows
158. The Last Time
159. Only The Young
160. The Outside
161. Superman
162. Paris
163. Glitch

They’re not bad songs. But I’m not afraid to speak the truth. If these weren’t Taylor Swift songs, we wouldn’t hold them in such high regard. If you hate me for saying that, maybe you need to take a cold hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you can genuinely disagree. 

To be abundantly clear, they’re still good songs. But we wouldn’t be talking about them at all if they were sung by some nobody like John Mayer. 

164–185: “We’re married, of course I’ve listened to all her songs!” To sing the kids to sleep

164. All Of The Girls You Loved Before
165. Willow
166. Tied Together With A Smile
167. A Place In This World
168. Anti-Hero
169. Epiphany
170. Wonderland
171. Lavender Haze
172. …Ready For It?
173. Look What You Made Me Do
174. Carolina
175. Midnight Rain
176. All You Had To Do Was Stay
177. Tolerate It
178. You Need To Calm Down
179. Castles Crumbling
180. So It Goes…
181. Me!
182. The Man
183. Karma
184. Bejeweled
185. Vigilante Shit

These ones just aren’t great. That’s okay. 88 — one number above Travis’ jersey number 87 and one number below 89, the year Taylor was born, that can’t be a coincidence — percent is a really good hit rate, especially if you’re going to churn out as many songs as Taylor. By the time these two tie the knot, surely Travis will have found a blank space in his schedule to give even these lesser songs a listen.

To everyone out there ready to write hate mail, do it. I yearn for it. I treasure it. Such is the life of a clickbait journalist. And it’s okay if you disagree with all of these rankings. There’s no shame in being wrong. 

To everyone out there ready to write fan mail: Hi, Mom.

To everyone who “only clicked on the article because they’re NFL fans,” it’s okay to give TayTay a chance. Put those headphones in and cue ‘em up, 1–185. You won’t stop ‘til you’ve heard them all, I guarantee. They’ll make you a better man. 

And to Travis, you’re welcome for this, buddy. I’ve done all I can, but now, you’re on your own, kid.