Lizzie Conklin

You know the Chiefs won and the Eagles lost. If you’re a football fan, you know the problems with the field and the officiating and all the narratives. If you’re an Andrew Cramer column fan, you know I’m thrilled that my friend Ross can finally shut up about Philadelphia. But beyond that, who were the biggest winners and losers from the big game? 

Winner: Yale Dining

The celery was crispy. The buffalo wings were spicy. The nachos were loaded. I’m often among the first to complain about Yale Dining. Breakfast for dinner last year? Unmitigated disaster. Switching out the green beans for cauliflower in Commons? Devastating. But when the lights were brightest on Sunday, Yale Dining came through in the biggest of ways. For weeks, they had shamelessly promoted Super Bowl dinner, and you have to admire their confidence to set the bar so high. But hats off to them, as they surpassed even the most optimistic expectations with a masterclass performance.

Loser: Non-geriatric meal times

This school has already normalized eating dinner before 6 p.m. I simply don’t understand it. But on Sunday, with word of the delightful, delicious and delovely wings spreading through the grapevine, students flocked to the dining halls even earlier. Upon seeing my friend staring blankly into space in the JE dining hall at 6:15, I asked him “What’s the matter, sport?” He told me they were already out of wings. The madness continues! Push back meal times, I beg you!

Winner: Rihanna

Banger after banger after banger. While I was devastated not to hear “Love on the Brain,” I can’t complain about any of her choices. Performing Kanye’s music without him: hilarious. Singing from Super Smash Bros platforms: for the gamer nerds. Outfits: Michelin Man inspired. Bringing a plus one in her belly: generational.

Loser: Yale Political Union

You thought I’d get through a whole column of losers without mentioning you? Guess again.

Winner: Bookies

The boys I watched the game with have serious gambling problems. All the better for their bookies. Real bets included: “Will the next play go to the left or right?” (It went right.)  “Will Jalen Hurts throw an incompletion on one of his next two passes?” (He did.) “Will Kenneth Gainwell be the first touchdown scorer?” (Oops.) So was the high really worth it, fellas? (They still say yes.)

Loser: Homework for Monday classes

Simply an afterthought after those wings and Rihanna. And the game. I really thought I would be able to refocus after the game, but no.

Winner: The Spanish broadcast

After abandoning the gambling addicts in the third quarter, I returned to my suite to watch with my non-football fan suitemates. For no apparent reason, they were watching the Spanish broadcast. It was amazing. Inexplicably partial towards the Chiefs — and JuJu Smith-Schuster especially — the energy was simply unmatched. If you watched in English, I’m sorry to say that you missed the best part of the game.

Loser: Ross

I know I said it in the intro paragraph, but it just makes me so happy to see him walking around all sad. Eagles fans are the worst.