Cate Roser, Staff Illustrator

for Aaron


Did some Googling:

The crickets we hate are two hundred million years older than we are 

and they invented music

By “we” I mean everyone who ever lived after crickets

             which is everyone who ever lived


When we can’t sleep at night, that’s because crickets are singing, and by singing 

I mean fucking, 

I mean, they’re doing both, or what 

I mean is the singing precedes the fucking and by fucking 

I mean fucking a lot, because crickets are polygamous

which means they get more action than we do, and by “we” 

I mean me 

because it is rude to drag everyone who ever lived

into one’s personal problems


There are hundreds of cricket species on each continent                                         except Antarctica

                           sorry Antarctica

and some of them are extinct

                    sorry crickets


Sometimes crickets pretend to be other things, like leaves

which I do too

I mean, pretend in a general sense, not pretend to be a leaf

Sometimes crickets pretend to be dead

which I do not do anymore

If I were a cricket I would always be able to say what I mean 

as there wouldn’t be much to say

                     Sorry crickets


Two hundred million years of singing and leaves 

and sometimes going extinct


When I can’t sleep at night it is because I forgot to respect my elders

When I can’t sleep at night it is because crickets are dragging me into their personal problems

When I can’t sleep at night it is because I wish that I were alone on a planet of bugs

that I had also invented music

             and could not speak

    that I had never heard of everyone 

                                                  who ever lived


Audrey Kolker is the co-editor-in-chief of the Yale Daily News Magazine. She is a junior majoring in English.