Pining after your FroCo? Dying to get on the orgy panlist? Sick of seeing khakis on men? You’re in luck! Welcome to Sex on the WKND, YDN’s anonymous column dedicated to answering your burning questions about sex, love and anything in between. Obsessing over sex is a Yale tradition as old as the Oldest College Daily itself. This year, we have a love-guru columnist who has done it all — including everyone on the aforementioned orgy panlist — and is ready to share. Whether you have a seminar with a hookup-gone-wrong or accidentally sent a raunchy text to your chemistry study group, Sex on the WKND is ready to help. Don’t be shy. Submit your anonymous questions, stories, and tips here.

My ex has been showing up to my CS office hours every time I go. They are not even in the course. And the other day, they started sending me a flurry of Adam Levine-ish messages. I didn’t know they were having a baby, let alone naming one after me. Things are getting strange.


Firstly, I’m sorry your ex does not understand that a break up actually means breaking up. Second, you think you know strange? My cheating Jehovah’s Witness ex-boyfriend tried to contact me via Trivia Crack for five months after we broke up — and I bet I played Trivia Crack way more than you go to office hours. 

Whether you are the piner or the pinee, Ex-Lover Limbo is an awkward place to be. But don’t worry, Sex on the WKND has got you covered. This week, I’ll be guiding you through a few key scenarios for dealing with banished beloveds. 

      1. You’re dealing with a crazy ex

Are they crazy because they’re in love or crazy because they’re crazy? The answer to this question will inform your approach. If they’re still in love with you, time is the answer. Go no-contact, and wait it out. Once you do that, you may come to the conclusion that they are, in fact, crazy. In that case, you have a few options. 

One, you can communicate. Let them know that they’re crazy and that a middle school summer camp relationship is not grounds for a transnational move to West Covina, California. Sometimes drawing attention to the unhinged makes things click. You know what they say about the first step to recovery.

Two, you can humble them. If you dumped them, I’m willing to bet they’re not all that. Let them know their satchel carrying freaked you out or that pulling hair during sex is normal, but pulling hair out is not. I’m not advocating for unnecessary cruelty here — just enough to make them so embarrassed that they never want to see you again. 

Three, you can fight fire with fire: embrace the crazy. I’m not legally allowed to promote criminal activity in the Oldest College Daily, but there are other, strategic ways to go about this. Send a 3-minute long, mouth-breathing voicemail. Start golfing with their second cousin — someone close enough to make your ex uncomfortable but not so close that the person avoids you. Get pregnant. Get someone else pregnant. Rather than making them embarrassed by their own actions, regift the embarrassment you have for dating them at all.

And, if things get legitimately concerning, there’s always Title IX.

      2. Your partner claims they have a crazy ex

Is your partner’s ex a woman? If so, ditch ’em. Never trust anyone, especially a man, who calls a woman crazy. 

In reality, this should be an issue your partner takes care of. Refer them to situation #1.

      3. You are the crazy ex

I still remember the time I got a funny feeling and decided to grab the yellow-pages to cross reference my ex’s Snapchat location with the home of a girl I met only once before. I was right, by the way. His traitorous ass had already found a new ass to tap. But realistically, what could I do about it? Could I really make things better?

No. Nothing will change and deranged behavior will never get you what you want. There’s a point where you need to let go. Don’t get arrested for arson. Her kitchen-cut baby bangs aren’t worth spending the night in a jail cell. You know you can’t afford bail. You know you haven’t memorized your rich roommate’s phone number. You’re not getting out of there.

Remember, love is essentially reciprocal insanity. The crazy ex can only emerge when that mutually assured destruction becomes one-sided. So have a little empathy for yourself and your former paramour. No one enjoys breaking up — unless you’re escaping someone truly bonkers.

If that’s the case, again, there’s always Title IX.