To put it gently, I’m expressive in bed. I always try to drown out the noise with something else, but I spend way too much time deciding what exactly to play. Any tips?
Media can act as a supplement to your sex life. It serves as an additional layer in the process of getting and keeping you aroused, setting the mood for what’s to come. Of course, it’s not a determining factor — if the sex is bad, turning on a film is not going to change anything — but it’s a way to experiment and avoid the monotony that can plague frequent flings.
But media can also deliver a calculated distraction to those in your vicinity. At Yale, one lives in close quarters. The walls are thin, some doors hardly shut and if you’re living in a suite, you’re almost never completely alone. When a hookup is done right, it’s at least a little noisy; with these living conditions, that can be hard to conceal. But put on the right song or show, and you’ll convince the roommate you sexiled that their suspicions were delusional.
And so, choosing what to play in the background of your hookups depends on what your ultimate goal is.
We’ll start with the supplemental side of things: using media as a way to optimize your screw. Really, you have three options: sexy music, sexy movies or seXXXy porn. You want something that will add to the experience, so pick something that matches your desired intensity and pacing. In for something more hardcore? Go for the classic “50 Shades of Grey”; both partners will immediately know what they’re in for. Want something more passionate? Throw on some songs by Sabrina Claudio — anything with a slow, steady and strong beat will do the trick. If you’re considering what kind of porn you want to watch with your partner, know that it’s entirely up to your discretion; however, it’s always good to tailor your watchlist to your specific interests. And you can easily find any interest to view.
The distraction end of making-love-media gets a little more complicated. Yes, it can throw others off your scent. Play anything loud close enough to the door, and no one will have any reason to uncover your true intentions. However, you can easily get thrown off yourself. If you put on anything too interesting, obnoxious or serious, you might end up focusing too much on your surroundings rather than the moment. For example, during a recent romantic encounter, I put on the Netflix show “The Tinder Swindler.” I had never seen or heard of it before and therefore figured I wouldn’t have anything to latch onto. I was wrong. I ended up honing in on the storyline and binging the rest after my lover had left, barely paying them any regard. It was not a good look. Just like watching porn, the end-goal of sex is not to digest a plot.
Some options that I have tried-and-trued are nature documentaries, Spotify-created playlists, and “Wheel of Fortune.” My favorites, though, are cooking competitions. With the aural-combination of recipes, blenders and screaming matches, there’s always more than enough noise to drown out the real action. However, when choosing something to view or listen to, you also need to consider the real audience: your suitemates. The purpose driving your actions is to keep them out and away, so you want to stray from anything that might attract them or spark curiosity. Imagine this: you put on something you’re not particularly interested in, following my previous advice. Let’s say it’s “Cake Boss.” If your suitemate is practically a Michelin star chef, they’re gonna knock, completely blowing your cover. However, if your suitemate recently decided that keto is a lifestyle, they’ll be less interested; in fact, they might even be repelled. Whatever you decide, just make sure it’s long enough. You don’t want your playlist to run out of songs and start playing the “Interstellar” soundtrack or to look up and see that your showing of “The Notebook” has turned into “Marley and Me.”
That was a lot of advice. There’s so much that goes into making this decision that it’s no wonder it takes so long to reach a consensus. I’d recommend making a list of shag-worthy shows, movies and songs before any given rendezvous. That way, you have an arsenal to choose from upon arrival. But let’s be real. Your roommates know you’re fucking. Putting extreme effort toward deception is futile. Choose what you enjoy, then make your own music: loud and proud.