Anasthasia Shilov

The very first time I visited Yale, it filled me with a sense of wonder. It left me thinking things like, “Wow, I can’t wait to spend my nights in Sterling,” or “Seems so cool to pull all-nighters writing papers.”

In a way, I romanticized those late nights. In my mind, they were The College Experience, in big, flashing block letters. Sleep deprivation, a budding love for caffeine, cramming for midterms. It was all part of this big, elaborate experience I was supposed to receive at Yale.

Truthfully, it was stressful. I really underestimated what being at an Ivy League school would be like, and especially what being a student-athlete at an Ivy League school would be like. Practice and lift hours just added to my never-ending workload, so my first year at Yale was really tough.

It wasn’t just about making time to do homework or study — it was also about finding time to sleep before I had to wake up the next day to another three hours of morning practice. It was about finding time to hang out with friends and really be in college, when sometimes I had only slept two hours and wanted nothing more than to go back to my dorm and knock out.

In many ways, my first year at Yale was so much scarier than I expected it to be. But, it also began to feel like home so much quicker than I thought it would, and after I got to know Yale, the campus buildings and shops felt less intimidating, and more safe. Sometimes, I would stop and look around and think, “Wow, I’m really at Yale.”

And as much as the workload exhausted me, the people I was sitting next to when I finished were always there to rekindle the curiosity that got me there in the first place.

I was looking forward to The College Experience, yes, but I was also looking forward to all the new people I would get the pleasure of meeting. My suitemates, my teammates, my classmates and even just random people — people living across the hall, buying coffee in Blue State or waiting in line at the dining halls.

I didn’t expect to be so worn out every day, but I also didn’t expect that every day I would get through it because I was so excited to come back to a dorm room exploding with life and laughter. I would get through it because I had teammates buying me donuts after hearing that I was having a rough week. I would get through it because there were people who were willing to help me get through it, and this was the part of Yale that never failed to exceed my expectations.

So much of my first year was spent figuring things out. I didn’t know where the buildings were, what I wanted to major in or what kind of person I wanted to be. So much of my first year was spent being confused, yet still moving forward. I wasn’t really expecting to know everything, after all. It’s scary being thrown into a new place and being asked to keep up with all the work that comes along with studying, and practice, and college responsibilities.

I thought that classes would be somewhat harsh, and that I would feel isolated. When the work started piling up, I thought that late nights would feel lonely. But at Yale, you’re never truly alone, and that’s what I didn’t expect.

My first year was a whirlwind. A landslide. My first year was full of wrong turns, but you can’t expect to make every right decision the first time around.

I certainly didn’t. There is still more that I can learn from and about Yale moving forward, and more that I have to get used to. But in a way, that’s the best part. And while as a first-year, it’s so easy to get lost, there are always people at Yale who are willing and eager to help you find your way back.